# Any tips? I'm not bonding....



## emandbri (Jan 14, 2011)

With our new dog. 

We lost our beloved 7 year old cockapoo suddenly in early June. We waited a month to grieve before starting our search for a new dog. We were thinking a goldendoodle, we didn't want a dog too similar to Chuck because it would make us sad. 

After 2 1/2 months of searching we hadn't been able to find one. The Doodle collective wouldn't let me adopt because I do home childcare, many rescue groups in Chicago won't adopt yo those outside of Chicago or out of state (we are in St. Louis), when one would pop up they would be adopted within hours, etc. 

We considered a breeder but I was really nervous about being fine with puppy fur and being allergic to adult fur, which the Internet says is possible. 

A 4 year old cockapoo popped up and I went to go see her. She was smaller than we were thinking but super sweet. I had two little kids with me and she did fine with them. She is black and Chuck was white. Chuck was 40 lbs and she is only 12 lbs, I thought she would be different enough to not make me sad. 

There were already 3 applications on her but I went ahead and filled one out and told them if I ended up allergic I would withdraw my application. The other applications didn't work out and I took it as a sign from the universe that we were supposed to have her. 

It has now been two weeks and I feel bad that I'm not bonding with her. She hadn't done anything wrong, no biting or anything, she is a happy little thing always wagging her tail. She is a bit yappy but hoping to fix that with dog When I see this dress I see footballs instead of flowers.d she will get hurt sleeping with us. 

Maybe we got her too soon? Maybe I should have kept searching for a goldendoodle? It doesn't matter now, we have her and I'm not giving her up I just feel bad I'm not head over heals in love with her. 

Any tips. ?


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## 2ndhandgal (Aug 29, 2011)

Firstly and most importantly we need photos of the lovely Chuck and your new girl 

Getting a new dog is always difficult especially when you have lost a much loved dog. She sounds pretty fab already so I would do some training with her, mould her into the dog you want and at some point you will suddenly realise she will never be Chuck but you have fallen head over heels with who she is.

Molly came to me as a rescue (with a whole heap of issues) at a time I was struggling to cope with life let alone a difficult new dog. I spent a while looking for a new home for her  before admitting she was going nowhere and was here to stay. As far as Molly was concerned I was her mum from the moment I collected her and her belongings - she was going nowhere


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## emandbri (Jan 14, 2011)

Thanks. 

Here is my favorite picture of Chuck and here is Sophie. It is really hard to get a good picture of her! 

I just feel she is too small to fill the hole in my heart and I need a second dog that weighs 28 lbs to equal the 40 lbs of Chuck.


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## 2ndhandgal (Aug 29, 2011)

They are both lovely 

Molly is another pint sized dog and I was not used to such a tiny dog either. Nobody has told Molly she is small though and I suspect the same is true for Sophie and you will soon be loving her for herself


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## wellerfeller (Jul 12, 2011)

They are beautiful, both of them. I think perhaps it was a little early for you to get another and there is no right or wrong. Some people are ready after a day, some a year and some people are never ready. However I think you will be just fine with Sophie given a little time. Even another 40lb dog, the same colour same *** as Chuck would never fill the hole left by his passing. He was special to you in his own way and no dog will ever be him, or like him and I think that's a good thing! You loved Chuck, appreciate him for who he was and all he gave you and taught you while he was with you. It's ok to miss him and when you are ready you will let him go and Sophie will be ready to build her own place in your hearts. Just give it time. Two weeks is not long at all and you are still getting to know each other. Try to get to know Sophie with out comparing her to Chuck and find her own little characteristics that you like and will eventually love. Know that Chuck I'm sure would approve of another doggy, especially a second chancer, getting the love and care he had for his lifetime. Give yourself permission to love another dog it will all be fine, I know it.


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## sugerlump (Oct 6, 2012)

we had to put our beloved buffy to sleep and we both cried all day over it ,we got ginger with in a week. and i never thought i would love another dog like buffy, but after a short time with this amazing poo my heart opened up to her we now love her more then any other dog we ever had, i thing you should try giving it some time and love and see what happens. i do think you will find your self in love with that wonderful poo..they are so fantastic .just give her a chance ok .she will win your heart for sure .


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## Lexi&Beemer (May 5, 2013)

My previous dog was a big cattle dog mix (around 70lbs) and I never imagined after she died that I would want a dog that was any different than Maggie. After a few weeks, I felt sad not hearing pitter patter and started looking. And I felt a lot of guilt. Decided for the complete opposite - little small dog. I got two puppies instead of one big dog (I know, crazy). Bonding with Lexi was easy. She was so sweet and would cuddle with me. I could hold her close and she just wanted to be closer. Beemer was harder. He didn't like sitting to close. He barked and growled and bit way more than Lexi. And he seemed to prefer his crate over me. That made me sad. But I knew he was part of my family, so I changed tactics and tried to figure out what he needed. It was different from what Lexi needed. He needed things to move slower. He needed me to approach him so he could see my hands. He needed his privacy. And he needed to run. A lot. Like crazy. He also needed to learn to calm down. That was like a light switch. He was better at listening and learning new cues. He was gentler when he approached me. And he started to do things, like put his head on my shoulder or lay on my chest, that made me love him even more. Now he even checks on me when I have a bad dream. Having the two of them taught me that loving really does come in so many ways. And though they are similar, they are also quite unique. And I wouldn't have it any other way. 

I know it's not always helpful if someone tells you not to worry. That bond you seek, it'll happen. Give both yourself and your new pup some time and some leeway to develop your own unique relationship that in the end I would bet you won't want to change for the world. 



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## emandbri (Jan 14, 2011)

Thanks all. I do think part of is I feel guilty, like I'm betraying Chuck. Our first dog died in 2006 and we waited 4 years to get Chuck because I was pregnant at the time and really was overwhelmed with 4 kids. We got Chuck when our youngest was 4 and planned for about a year figuring out what to get. 

I had never had a 3 year old when I wasn't pregnant or planning our next kid so Chuck was kind of my "baby." 

When we brought Sophie home I purposely tried not living on her too much because Chuck totally loved me more than the rest of the family and I wanted her to bond with the kids and my husband. 

Oh and sorry about the dress thing in the middle of my post! I just saw that! I was trying to paste my post because it didn't post the first time and the dress thing was in my clipboard! Ha!


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## emandbri (Jan 14, 2011)

I can now post without a doubt that I am now totally bonding with Sophie because she got sick and I was SOOOO scared for her. She is doing really well now! On wed she started throwing up and had diarrea, took her in right away and they gave her fluids and meds to help with nausea and said to bring her back in the morning for more fluids. 

Dr. thinks she has HGE

http://m.petmd.com/blogs/fullyvetted/2013/march/hemorrhagic-gastroenteritis-hge-in-dogs-29938

After we got home I started researching it and was then afraid we made the wrong call and should have hospitalized her. I kept getting up to check on her and try to force her to drink. My Fitbit says I got three hours of sleep. 

Took her in yesterday morning and they gave more fluids, anti acid meds, antibiotics, and special bland food. Picked her up around 4:30 and she looked so much better!


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## 2ndhandgal (Aug 29, 2011)

Poor Sophie - glad she is brighter now and hope she recovers quickly.

Glad you have found your bond with her


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## Marzi (Sep 17, 2012)

Sophie looks lovely - I do love a black cockapoo 

I hope she is soon completely better and YAY - she has found her own place in your heart - the bond will only get stronger with time


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## Cat 53 (Aug 26, 2012)

Hope Sophie continues to improve......think you needed to be needed. Sophie being ill helped you to open your heart to her. Love the way our hearts swell to accommodate loving again. It's wonderful. Chuck and Sophie occupying your heart side by side. Bliss


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