# Left Molly alone for the first time today



## dio.ren (Jan 18, 2013)

So Molly is a year old now so today we thought we would try her out all alone in the apartment by herself. I am always with her and when I am not here she is in her crate about 4 hours a day 5 at the most. She is fine in there not a peep but I want to be able to leave her on her own cause she is a big girl now.

Tonight was the first time we left her alone "not in the crate". Ruth the genious  gave me the idea to do this. I set up my tablet on video and propped it up so it would record her. We left didn't look at her or talk to her at all and closed the door. We were gone about 13 minutes. She whined a lot and was by the door the whole time broke my heart when I got back. There were periods of quiet but not many. She didn't misbehave just cried but no barking. 

Then when we got back we didn't talk to her at all for at least 3 minutes cause I read that if you make a big deal when you get back it makes separation worse?? She kind of sulked around and then I patted her.

I felt so guilty so not sure how to go about this? I don't want her to be stressed but people make me feel like I am mean if she is in her crate. I know she is ok in there but would love for her to be ok in the apartment. I am not really sure what to do?

I love her and don't want her to be stressed out. I would appreciate any advice Thanks! I felt so mean


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## sugerlump (Oct 6, 2012)

did you leave the crate open so she could go in if she wanted to. mi think that may help .w3hen i go out i all ways ether give ginger a meat bone (i get them at the food store they are for soup),or i fill up her kong with peanut butter and freeze it and give it to her when i leave .she loves them both so much i think she now wants us to go out haaaaa Haaaa.but she all ways behaves her self so i guess she spends her time eating. you can try that ,but any way good luck and i know she will be ok


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## Lisa21487 (Aug 26, 2013)

We have just recently let bear have the run of the living room, i read somewhere that if they go from crate straight to the whole of downstairs it can distress them as they feel they have to guard to big an area, not sure how true this is mind, i then downloaded a £2.99 app on my iphone called i cam, set the same up on the laptop and left the laptop in a place where it had a good view of the whole living room. Then when we are out we can watch him live from our iphones. bear would cry for a good 10-15 mins at first then just settle on the sofa which was nice to see, he now only crys for a few minutes and hoping soon that will stop and he will just get use to it. We always leave a filled kong but he doesnt seem to bother with anything while we are gone just sleeps. X


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## Lexi&Beemer (May 5, 2013)

You're not mean but helping Molly grow up. Sounds pretty good for a first try.


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## Grove (Oct 17, 2012)

Sounds like a good amount of time to start off with.

I think the tip about leaving a stuffed kong is a good one. Keeps them occupied and you can slip out at that moment. 

We have a penned off area attached to the crate:










If you thought it might help you could consider something like this as an intermediate thing, so you could leave her with the crate door open but the pen door shut so she could get used to not being shut in the crate, but in a small 'safe space' within the apartment.


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## RuthMill (Jun 30, 2012)

If she's happier in her crate when you are out then maybe that's the way to go?


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## fairlie (Sep 7, 2013)

I think you are a superb dog owner and should be commended for being so concerned about her! The crate open to a smaller area is a great idea to help with the transition.

One thing I would not do is sneak out. She might worry that something was wrong with you. I'd do it the way we do with small children, let them know we are leaving, kiss goodbye then no fuss no muss after that. You might leave something special that smells of you she only has access to when you are gone. Rufus inserts his nose in my smelliest shoes like he is wearing a gas mask in order to survive. (this started after the period where every single shoe in the house was hanging from a door knob because of his chewing).

One last thing, I see nothing wrong at all if she stays in the crate if she is happy in there. A cozy den lying quietly is exactly how mother wolves leave their cubs. Safe from harm, knowing mummy is out getting them a rabbit (even if it is of the stuffed variety!) . Sorry this is so long!


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## dio.ren (Jan 18, 2013)

It was her first time alone not in her crate so maybe it traumatized her. Maybe I should of tried this when she was a puppy instead of doing it now. My other dogs would stay on their own (not in a crate) and they were fine they would just sleep. I feel like she is a baby and maybe I have babied her too much I don't know. Her crate was in it's usual place but she didn't go near it she just stayed by the door and cried! 

She isn't a big fan of the kong we used it when she was small but she never liked it for some reason. I will try it again for 10 minutes at a time and see what happens. Likely she has separation anxiety which makes me sad!

Maybe I shouldn't have recorded her it just upset me to hear her cry like that


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## dio.ren (Jan 18, 2013)

Grove said:


> Sounds like a good amount of time to start off with.
> 
> I think the tip about leaving a stuffed kong is a good one. Keeps them occupied and you can slip out at that moment.
> 
> ...



That is a nice setup! Love the gate might have to look for something like that!


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## Grove (Oct 17, 2012)

dio.ren said:


> . Likely she has separation anxiety which makes me sad!


I'm not sure because if she did I think she'd be distressed when she was alone in the crate and you weren't there, but that's not the case. 

I think it's probably just that she's not used to this change because so far in her life it's not happened before.


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## Tinman (Apr 23, 2013)

You need a friend for Molly. Say a little yellow doggy!! (Only joking)
You need a real live, living fluffy puppy for her to keep her company!


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## Lexi&Beemer (May 5, 2013)

Tinman said:


> You need a friend for Molly. Say a little yellow doggy!! (Only joking)
> You need a real live, living fluffy puppy for her to keep her company!


Now a real incentive for #2.


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## DB1 (Jan 20, 2012)

I am the same as this with Dudley, I have always left him in the crate as he is quiet when he is in there and see's me go, but if he is lose he cries at the door. But I also would like to think he could be left with a larger area now - maybe that is us thinking they would be happier when in reality they may not? I have managed to leave him for very short (about 15 mins) times recently but this was after he had had very tiring walks with lots of doggy play and had crashed out in his bed, I did kind of sneak out but that in itself is usual as if he hadn't been so tired he would have been watching my every move, when I came back he appeared at the door but was stretching so I know he had only just dragged himself out of his bed. I'm hoping that as he realised I had been out with nothing terrible happening that he will be ok if I do it for a little longer each time. Last week on TV here there was a programme that covered the separation anxiety problem, one idea was to use a dog mat or cushion that they hadn't already used (so no previous connections), put them on it and give a stuffed kong (going to have to be something she loves), then take just a few steps away, do this lots of times (I'm guessing maybe once each day (maybe twice) or they could end up with too many treats, going as little further away each time until they are happy for you to be in another room while they stay there, then go to the door, finally going out the door then back in etc...baby steps, they should be happy to see the mat in the end and think of it as a really positive thing, not sure if I need that with Dudley as he was ok but I think I'll get another kong (lost puppy one) and try leaving him with it - just hope that doesn't put him in a chewing mood as he may start looking around for something else to chomp on before I get back!!


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## dmgalley (Aug 19, 2012)

Molly will be ok. you're a very good dog mommy. I would not be able to take it as it would just me. Willow cries at the door when I go to the bathroom. I think poos are more needy but they can get use to being alone.

Sent from my SGH-T999 using Tapatalk 2


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## dio.ren (Jan 18, 2013)

Tinman said:


> You need a friend for Molly. Say a little yellow doggy!! (Only joking)
> You need a real live, living fluffy puppy for her to keep her company!


Ha maybe yellow dog but not a real one  I can only have one two would give me a heart attack for sure I am not a young one anymore


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## dio.ren (Jan 18, 2013)

dmgalley said:


> Molly will be ok. you're a very good dog mommy. I would not be able to take it as it would just me. Willow cries at the door when I go to the bathroom. I think poos are more needy but they can get use to being alone.
> 
> Sent from my SGH-T999 using Tapatalk 2


Molly whines if I am in the bathroom or my bedroom with the door closed I am thinking she is too attached to me I wish now looking back that I would of done things different when she was smaller. Too late now but she is still young so can learn a different way if not I will get a behaviorist to come over I don't care how much it costs I just want her to be happy. My friends make me feel bad saying that crating her is mean but she is happy in there as she is quiet and when I go to get her she is napping and doesn't seem stressed at all. Maybe I shouldn't listen to other people Just cause they don't crate they seem to think it's a punishment but it isn't she goes in happily I don't force her in there! Thanks everyone for all your helpful tips I appreciate it!


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## wilfiboy (Sep 18, 2010)

Ahhhhh Molly, I shouldn't worry Renee.... It's something new and you weren't long. Next time I'd follow your normal routine, so she knows you're going to leave her, perhaps she wasn't aware that that's what had happens. I'd put her in the crate then leave the door either ajar to start with or half open so she knows she can get out if she wants then increase to totally wide open... She can chose to come out or stay in if she wants. 
When I got rid of the crates I replaced them in the same place with beds and still went throughout the same routine that I had done with the crates, so when I was going out and they were being left the routine apart from what they were being left in was the same..... Good luck next time Renee xx


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## dmgalley (Aug 19, 2012)

dio.ren said:


> Molly whines if I am in the bathroom or my bedroom with the door closed I am thinking she is too attached to me I wish now looking back that I would of done things different when she was smaller. Too late now but she is still young so can learn a different way if not I will get a behaviorist to come over I don't care how much it costs I just want her to be happy. My friends make me feel bad saying that crating her is mean but she is happy in there as she is quiet and when I go to get her she is napping and doesn't seem stressed at all. Maybe I shouldn't listen to other people Just cause they don't crate they seem to think it's a punishment but it isn't she goes in happily I don't force her in there! Thanks everyone for all your helpful tips I appreciate it!


There is nothing wrong with the create. Willow is so much happier in the crate in the car. It makes her feel safe. I'm sure Molly feels the same. 

Sent from my SGH-T999 using Tapatalk 2


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## wilfiboy (Sep 18, 2010)

Mine follow me around the house, lie on the bathroom floor when I'm having a bath but by following the same routine they understand when I'm going out with out them, she'll be fine if she's normally fine int the crate... And you don't have to get, rid of it if you don't want to x


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## dio.ren (Jan 18, 2013)

wilfiboy said:


> Ahhhhh Molly, I shouldn't worry Renee.... It's something new and you weren't long. Next time I'd follow your normal routine, so she knows you're going to leave her, perhaps she wasn't aware that that's what had happens. I'd put her in the crate then leave the door either ajar to start with or half open so she knows she can get out if she wants then increase to totally wide open... She can chose to come out or stay in if she wants.
> When I got rid of the crates I replaced them in the same place with beds and still went throughout the same routine that I had done with the crates, so when I was going out and they were being left the routine apart from what they were being left in was the same..... Good luck next time Renee xx


thanks so much I added to your reputation for this post!! Great advice I so appreciate it and to Dudley's mom too.


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## wilfiboy (Sep 18, 2010)

Cheers Renee....much appreciated my love xx.... I'm sure it'll work but no need to get rid of the crate if she's happy but hey give it a go xx


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## Tinman (Apr 23, 2013)

dio.ren said:


> Molly whines if I am in the bathroom or my bedroom with the door closed I am thinking she is too attached to me I wish now looking back that I would of done things different when she was smaller. Too late now but she is still young so can learn a different way if not I will get a behaviorist to come over I don't care how much it costs I just want her to be happy. My friends make me feel bad saying that crating her is mean but she is happy in there as she is quiet and when I go to get her she is napping and doesn't seem stressed at all. Maybe I shouldn't listen to other people Just cause they don't crate they seem to think it's a punishment but it isn't she goes in happily I don't force her in there! Thanks everyone for all your helpful tips I appreciate it!


If Molly is happy in her crate i wouldn't take it away, 
I have only just stopped crating Ralph overnight & when we are out, he copes well with it.
I have stopped crating ruby if we are our and she is coping well with that (she used to escape from her soft crate - she would open the zip with her mouth like a tin opener!!) - but she has Ralph.
I still crate her at night - I tried her out but she was very unsettled, I have on a couple of occasions tried to let the dogs sleep on my bed, and they don't like it! Much rather be with what they known and are used to.
If Molly is happy in the crate & you might be leaving her a little longer than usual, she probably will just sleep as that is what she knows she does in her crate.... Sleep.
I did put our iPad on record whilst I did the morning school run the other day and they were both very good and just slept.
If I am upstairs, ruby sits or sleeps on the top stair and waits for me (stair child safety gate is still in place)


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## janail (Sep 2, 2011)

kiaya is two now and and has exactly the same problem. Barks when let loose in the room but snuggles down when crated and the door is closed. 

I've stopped stressing about it now and just put her in it. She runs into it as soon as I walk towards it, tail wagging furiously. We always give her a couple of small treats that she eats straight away. She always looks relaxed and doesn't move until I go to the door to let her out. It doesn't matter what we leave in the crate with her to play with, even a stuffed kong, it's still there when we get back. She obviously views it as her sanctuary.


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## Mazzapoo (Jul 28, 2013)

Renee it can be so hard listening to friend's opinions on crating and as you say, Mollly loves it so it's far from a punishment! Trust your instincts, she's your little dog and you know her best of all. Poppy is an independent little livewire who likes her own space and likes to do things _her_ way (for instance, she climbs happily into the car but shies away from it like it's the worst thing in the world if you try to lift her in - that troubled me for a while but now I accept she doesn't like being 'restrained' but will happily comply under her own steam). She never liked the crate and is happier in the hall, so for us the crate was a toilet training and general safety aid but if she loved it I'd have left it for her. I agree with Karen, maybe leave the door open and do short trials for a bit and see how she likes it but certainly don't get upset!! You're a 5 star Mommy


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## dio.ren (Jan 18, 2013)

Thanks so much to all of you!! I really appreciate the feedback


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## sugerlump (Oct 6, 2012)

well i still say when you go out just leave the crate open and give her a kong or a big real meat bone, i get them at the food store they are frozen .ginger flips over them and we only give them to her when we go out .she cry's when we first leave all dog would .then she gets on to the bone or the frozen peanut butter kong ,she will be fine soon as she gets the hang of it ok hang in there she will make it


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## Chloe (Mar 18, 2013)

Hi all my little girl who is now 6 still struggles with stress and wines when I am not home. I have had her for two years and it just does not go away. I am never sure what to do. She seems better with me when I am at school she stays in my huge van that seems to work best for her. It sure would be nice to leave her home but tried that for a long time and it did not work out to well.


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## Florida Cockapoo (Aug 24, 2012)

You may want to try leaving her in the kitchen with her favorite toys and bed. We did this with Piper. She did wein when we left. But was waiting for us when we got back. She didn't seem to be in any stress. 

Maybe giving her a bit more space, but not to much. As for your friends saying the crate is bad, that is not a friend. I never grew up putting our dogs in crates. But do have one for Piper and do use it. But probably will not use it as she grows up. 

It's your decision on what you do. If the crate works for you and your dog then use it. 


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## RuthMill (Jun 30, 2012)

I think it's all about her knowing that you are coming back and she doesn't have to worry. It takes time to get there, and for her to reach that comfort level. It's a balance I suppose between how important it is for you to have her comfortable in her own company and the work involved in getting her to that place. What Dawn said about the Mat and the kong is something I've always done (well similar - filled kong and blankie, gently increasing the time we are out of the room while she was enjoying her special treat) with Lola and she has always been fine with being left for a few hours, she just chills out and barks at the odd passer by, oh and she might shred a letter from the postman . More recently we have done the same with Nina and she has adjusted very well too. They were alone in the house for 4 hours this morning and had the whole of the downstairs and there were no issues - they both got tucked in to their filled kongs and didn't seem to care that I was leaving. I think that technique does work. I worked on the separation thing early on because I have friends with dogs who have major issues so I was keen to eliminate it and I knew there were going to be some days they would need to be alone for up to 4 hours. I also didn't want to use the crate forever so I had to make sure I got it right. I think I've just been lucky in that both girls have adjusted and got used to this. Lola knows now when we are heading out and she goes to the living room to wait for her kong. 

I don't believe in either the owner or dog being distressed though, so if it wasn't working I wouldn't push it. Especially if the crate is working, there's nothing wrong with Molly being happy to chill out in her crate. Just do what's right for you and Molly! Xx


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## dio.ren (Jan 18, 2013)

RuthMill said:


> I think it's all about her knowing that you are coming back and she doesn't have to worry. It takes time to get there, and for her to reach that comfort level. It's a balance I suppose between how important it is for you to have her comfortable in her own company and the work involved in getting her to that place. What Dawn said about the Mat and the kong is something I've always done (well similar - filled kong and blankie, gently increasing the time we are out of the room while she was enjoying her special treat) with Lola and she has always been fine with being left for a few hours, she just chills out and barks at the odd passer by, oh and she might shred a letter from the postman . More recently we have done the same with Nina and she has adjusted very well too. They were alone in the house for 4 hours this morning and had the whole of the downstairs and there were no issues - they both got tucked in to their filled kongs and didn't seem to care that I was leaving. I think that technique does work. I worked on the separation thing early on because I have friends with dogs who have major issues so I was keen to eliminate it and I knew there were going to be some days they would need to be alone for up to 4 hours. I also didn't want to use the crate forever so I had to make sure I got it right. I think I've just been lucky in that both girls have adjusted and got used to this. Lola knows now when we are heading out and she goes to the living room to wait for her kong.
> 
> I don't believe in either the owner or dog being distressed though, so if it wasn't working I wouldn't push it. Especially if the crate is working, there's nothing wrong with Molly being happy to chill out in her crate. Just do what's right for you and Molly! Xx



Ruth thanks for the great advice I really appreciate it! I haven't tried leaving her alone since the last time. She still is crating but I am going to try again. I just have to find something that will entertain her cause she doesn't like the kong We had one when she was small and she would just leave it for some reason. It will take time but got a lot of information from all of you so am going to experiment and see what will work for her. I just wish I would of tried this earlier on maybe it would of been easier. I am not going to give up it would be nice if she would feel ok out of the crate!


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## RangerC (Jan 23, 2013)

I always tell barney to go to his bed when I am going out, then I give him a little talk and tell him he is not going to be abandoned and I'll be back later, then the next bit of the ritual is a treat. He doesn't get upset but will lie on guard by the door until my return. If I do sneak out without talking to him he will cry and whine. I think the key is routine and they get upset if you change the routine. It's not cruel leaving Molly in the crate, it's what she is used to and it makes her feel secure.


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## RuthMill (Jun 30, 2012)

dio.ren said:


> Ruth thanks for the great advice I really appreciate it! I haven't tried leaving her alone since the last time. She still is crating but I am going to try again. I just have to find something that will entertain her cause she doesn't like the kong We had one when she was small and she would just leave it for some reason. It will take time but got a lot of information from all of you so am going to experiment and see what will work for her. I just wish I would of tried this earlier on maybe it would of been easier. I am not going to give up it would be nice if she would feel ok out of the crate!


Have you tried her with the kong since? With something really yummy inside? 

I mix peanut butter, homemade salt free chicken stock, chopped apple, sometimes sausage or cheese too [small amount only] then put in a piping bag and fill up Kong and freeze it. They love it!


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## Tinman (Apr 23, 2013)

RuthMill said:


> Have you tried her with the kong since? With something really yummy inside?
> 
> I mix peanut butter, homemade salt free chicken stock, chopped apple, sometimes sausage or cheese too [small amount only] then put in a piping bag and fill up Kong and freeze it. They love it!


Wow - sounds good enough to eat Ruth!
You should be on "Great Doggy Bake Off"


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## RuthMill (Jun 30, 2012)

Tinman said:


> Wow - sounds good enough to eat Ruth!
> You should be on "Great Doggy Bake Off"


I cannot claim the recipe.. I heard someone else on here talking about a similar thing.. I copied them


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## RuthMill (Jun 30, 2012)

Renee there are lots of other things for holding treats. If Molly is food orientated hopefully something food related will work.

Have a look at these...

http://www.amazon.com/Toys-feed-your-dog-meals/lm/RSC2SR2JSBR5V


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## Tinman (Apr 23, 2013)

RuthMill said:


> I cannot claim the recipe.. I heard someone else on here talking about a similar thing.. I copied them


Well I'm sure your 2 think its very tasty and enjoy it thoroughly - sounds that good I bet they look forward to you leaving them and been left alone with their treat  x


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## dio.ren (Jan 18, 2013)

Tinman said:


> Wow - sounds good enough to eat Ruth!
> You should be on "Great Doggy Bake Off"


I will give it a try maybe now that she is older she would like it. When she was small I put all sorts of different stuff in there and it would just sit there and melt and make a mess ha! Thanks for the creative recipe!


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## RuthMill (Jun 30, 2012)

dio.ren said:


> Ruth thanks for the great advice I really appreciate it! I haven't tried leaving her alone since the last time. She still is crating but I am going to try again. I just have to find something that will entertain her cause she doesn't like the kong We had one when she was small and she would just leave it for some reason. It will take time but got a lot of information from all of you so am going to experiment and see what will work for her. I just wish I would of tried this earlier on maybe it would of been easier. I am not going to give up it would be nice if she would feel ok out of the crate!


If you are trying it again make sure you introduce the toy/mat/bed/treat whatever you decide to use, when you are there. The trick is for her not to associate the treat etc with you leaving, the association should be that this lovely treat means Molly relax and enjoy time with or without mummy there.


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## el-clark (Oct 7, 2013)

Very helpful thread, think I need to make sure I instill good things when my pup is very little (when I finally get one). I plan to use a crate and a pen to begin with and definitely a Kong stuffed with frozen things. Sounds like everyone has the same worries though, nice to know we're not alone!


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## Bev13 (Jan 29, 2013)

Renee, our Cockapoo Lexi is the same. She is 13 months but we feel like her crate is her security blanket. When we go out we tell her to go in her bed. She jumps in and waits for her treat, and knows we are going out. If we all disappear she cries. But I was like you, worrying about her being in her crate so we bought a dog pen (which takes over half of the kitchen!!) We have attached it to her crate so she has a bit more room to wander, or change bed but still feels secure. She seems happy with the new arrangement


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