# Separation Anxiety!



## rzezidizz (May 22, 2012)

I am sure that, after everyone is in bed tonight, I will be able to browse the forums and come across similar posts. I am going ahead and posting here, though, because I know that people in forums generally love to be helpful and my situation may be a situation you found yourself in 6 months/a year/a decade ago, and I would love to read about others' similar situations and answers.

Oh, and by the way, I'm brand new to the site. I tend more toward sites about children. I know, Emma Lou the Cockapoo, in some ways, is like my child, but I like to make crafts and bake, neither of which interest Emma Lou.

So, the problem we are having is partially that Emma Lou (we usually just call her Emma) was SPOILED by my husband. In fact, I believe that to be the root of the problems, but let's not point fingers. Before my son was born 18 months ago, Emma definitely showed signs of anxiety. My husband took her with him wherever he went and she rarely had to do anything she did not want to do when with him. She was crate trained when she came to us, and he never made her go to her crate when we left the house.

My first sign that something was wrong was that when we went to swim in our neighborhood pool, Emma could be heard crying all over the neighborhood. This was before our son came.
After our son Nico was born, Emma became insufferable. I did understand that it was quite an adjustment for her, but I simply could not allow her to smother my son as I breastfed him, or take her paw and swipe my hand away while I tried to change my son's diaper! Quite a bit of distance grew between us.

Then came the urination. If left alone for any amount of time, Emma will pee on our carpet. We thought that an accident by another dog started the problem, but now that we have replaced the carpet and ensured that none of the pee had soaked through to the subfloor, and she has peed four times on this new carpet -- which equals one time for every time she has been left to do it -- I see that the problems is not the other dog's urine. But, believe me, we could have figured that out before. There were no fewer than 50 urine stains in the other carpet, and all in the last 17 months. 

Right now, my husband has my son at a neighbor's house playing. Emma has not stopped crying and yelping since they left. When they return, she will go insane. She will not stop vying for my husband's attention, and, should he put my son aside to give her some attention, she would never be satisfied. He could take her in his lap and pet and pet and pet her, and she would not be happy.

During most weeks, our "adopted grandparents" actually take Emma to their house so she will not be alone as we both work full time. Emma doesn't seem to love going, although they love her company. I think she prefers it to being alone for 45 hours per week, though.

I have thought several times that Emma needs a family more able to devote time to her, but she is getting a lot of attention from this older couple. They also have a nearby dog park as well as a yard she can play in. The situation is better for her there, but she is very attached to my husband. Emma flatly needs more exercise, though, and this older couple cannot run with her. I would love to run with her, but as I have not been running and am 7 months pregnant, it will be quite a while until that is a reality.

I am a novice at dog care. I had a cocker spaniel growing up who had no behavioral issues, no separation anxiety, etc... she had fleas that no meds would get rid of, but no disciplinary problems whatsoever. So, let me have it. I'm most interested in constructive suggestions, references on how to crate train (possibly how to convince a significant other that it is the best way? or, if I'm wrong, why it's not?), and personal experiences -- anything that is going to help us make this work. If we are being cruel by trying to keep her, tell me. I am torn about that one, but because she loves my husband so much, and I would like my children to grow up with her (she really is a sweet dog), I am trying to make it work. Should I not?

ETA - Emma Lou is 4 years old.


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## DONNA (Jan 7, 2011)

Im no expert but i feel you really really need to start with the crate training this will give her a safe place to be where she will feel secure when your not there.

There is another lady on here Sarah she rehomed a dog and went through similar things im sure she can give you lots of advice ,i know it was hard and took many months before improvement was made.

I would start small and go back to basic's ,ie: leaveing her in the crate for 10mins while in another room return and treat her etc ,then lengthen time until eventually you actually go out the house,she needs to know you will at some point come back
The crate will help with the peeing on the carpet problem.

As for the running etc i take Buddy off lead walking all the time he does all the running i just walk (not sure if there is anywhere near you that you could do this?)

Hope this hepls a little ,im sure others will have more advice ,good luck x
.


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## rzezidizz (May 22, 2012)

glad to get some feedback on the crate training. From all that I am reading, it really does seem like that is the way to go. It is such a shame that she came to us crate trained and now is so unaccustomed to it that it will be a foreign concept. But, as you say, hopefully it will be a place that she can feel safe. My parents have borrowed the crate that came with her, and as soon as we get it back, I'm looking forward to putting her blankets in there so she can be comfy, and make a little nest as she loves to do. And then, buying some real Beggin' Strips (because they are her very favorite), and saving them for only the crate. 

As for the exercise, we do let her run free a bit, even though it's not really allowed in our neighborhood. I feel like the only time she gets enough exercise for her needs are the days that she runs alongside my husband on a 5-mile bike ride! It's funny. Our son is very high energy as well. We sort of have normal energy levels, but our dependents are super-energetic! 
Thanks for your reply!


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## Kate.E.P (Aug 9, 2011)

We had a similar issue with our beagle - we used crate training and Daap spray to help overcome this. Its also important not to fuss her - this tends to exasserbate the behaviour in my experience. I used to make myself busy doing something she'd find fun and after 5 mins of her moaning, she begain to show interest in what I was doing (which at the time was a massive break through!) She now whines for about 30 seconds then she sulks for a few then she is back to normal.


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## Sezra (May 20, 2011)

Crate training is definitely the way to go but it may be a long process. Daisy's issues were sleeping in the crate at night or being prevented from getting to us such as by a closed door or being left. We have had her nearly ten months now and during that time we have been backwards and forwards with progress.

What stress symptoms does she show when left apart the weeing? 

I would definitely get a DAP plug in diffuser and plug it in where you would like her to settle. Leave it on all the time. I always wondered whether mine had any effect until it ran out without me realising resulting in a massive regression. 

Dogs do not normally like to wee in their sleeping area so if you can get her used to the crate then that should stop that. 

Introduce the crate and leave the door open all of the time to start off with. Put her bed inside it and treat her everytime she goes in. Feed her in the crate, give her lovely bones in there, anything to make the crate a desirable place. You will then have to build up periods when you close the door. Start off closing it and rewarding her whilst closed and then let her out. Increase the time period that it is closed and then work on closing it, walking away and then treating on return. Unfortunately it is a long process unless you are very lucky and she remembers using a crate. Hopefully the crate will giver her a sense of security when you leave her. 

Daisy actually loves her crate during the day but we gave up at night time. When I first got her I slept on a mattress on the floor and every few nights I moved further away until I was back upstairs. This worked and we really thought we had cracked it until the Christmas holidays where she was not left on her own, everyone was at home, the DAP diffuser ran out (I thought she would be fine) and we started allowing her upstairs. Then the holidays were over and the kids went back to school, husband back to work and she was being left for school runs again. Suddenly she just wouldn't settle at night again and we were back to howling, panting, drooling and chewing. It was heart breaking. After weeks of sleeping downstairs and getting a bad back I decided it was not worth the hassle and now she sleeps on the floor beside my bed! She uses the crate during the day as her haven but we dont ever lock her in. Thankfully though we can leave her to go out now and she is fine. 

We also don't make a fuss when we come back from anywhere. She still gets really excited and it is very hard to do but we walk through the house and 'do stuff' until she sits nicely. We are now having to do the same with our latest Cockapoo adoptee as she wees when she is pleased to see us! She also gets ignore for a few minutes until she has calmed and then she gets a big fuss. It does work as the weeing is stopping! 

If this doesn't work I would seek help from a behaviourist who uses positive methods of dog training who will come to your house and see her in her home situation. You could also speak to your vet about calmatives to help through this training period.

I hope this helps in some way. 

These are my original threads from when I first got Daisy and also when she had a relapse and I was at my wits end! 

http://www.ilovemycockapoo.com/showthread.php?t=2878&highlight=separation+anxiety+daisy

http://www.ilovemycockapoo.com/showthread.php?t=3163&highlight=daisy+tired


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## rzezidizz (May 22, 2012)

wonderful! Thanks so much! I just talked to my husband about the methodology you wrote about for re-introducing Emma to her crate and he's totally supportive! We are still trying to figure out the best place to use the crate. I'm not sure whether we will even attempt nighttime, but once we get started, we'll see.


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## S.Claire (Sep 1, 2011)

Good luck. I can't comment anymore than the above comments other than to say to cover the top and the back of the crate and make it like a real den! Nacho will not go in his crate (which he loves) unless the blanket is over the top!  x


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## Sezra (May 20, 2011)

You are lucky then Susie. When we tried that with Daisy she pulled it through the crate roof and chewed it to bits! !  I think she was a severe case though!


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## S.Claire (Sep 1, 2011)

Sezra said:


> You are lucky then Susie. When we tried that with Daisy she pulled it through the crate roof and chewed it to bits! !  I think she was a severe case though!


Oh No!  The gaps between Nacho's crate would be too small to do this! I have been lucky with Nacho. He's never to memory (touch wood) chewed anything he wasn't allowed. Famous last words!!


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## Pollypiglet (Oct 22, 2011)

The crate is a really emotive subject and we all feel bad about leaving a dog in a crate but to be honest the dog is very adaptable and learns to adapt to being left in a crate. I have to admit against my better instinct I took Hattie with me when I went to sort my horse. I could leave her but under a tree with all the windows and boot open but in my opinion it was still too hot tomorrow will mean she stays at home!


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## tosh (Feb 10, 2012)

this is an interesting topic. We've had Mitzi for two weeks and she has a lovely den area which has her crate, luckily on a tiled floor. I'm unsure as to what to do because during the night she is in her crate - last four nights she's been clean. During the day though we've left the crate door open and she has another 'comfy' station to go to in that area. We work from home and I'm getting concerned that when we do need to be away for longer periods she will start getting anxious. She is already very clingy to us - and its lovely that she wants to be with us, but equally I do feel she needs to have timeout for herself and to know that we will be back. So at the weekend we went out for about an hour and left her in her area. Came back to find she had peed on the floor. So now I'm thinking should I have crated her? But if I do this, will she see it as a punishment (which clearly it isn't, we just need her to be safe), or just leave her in the area and she how she does? Any advice welcome.


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## Sezra (May 20, 2011)

She wont see it as a punishment because it is her nice den. She may not have weed if she had been in her crate though. If I was you I would get her used to being locked in the crate whilst you go. Maybe even if you don't need to go out you should just practice popping out for half an hour with her in the crate and buldl it up. I know from experience with Daisy that having us around all the time then made it harder for her when we did leave her.


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## tosh (Feb 10, 2012)

Thanks Sarah will try that


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## Turi (Jun 28, 2011)

We used to crate Saffi much more than we do now - it we were eating dinner and we couldn't keep an eye on her, if she was winding up the cats, if we were having a bath in the evening or a nap in the afternoon - sometimes we crated her in the same room. If she barked or whined we ignored it and made sure she had something to keep her occupied. 

We still crate her when we go out - I read somewhere that in your absence a dog may feel it needs to protect the entire house but, like Sarah says, a crate is more like a safe den.


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