# Help with separation anxiety!



## Lcarp

Missy is 14 weeks. She sleeps on my knee in the day and will somtimes move to her bed as soon as I move she gets up and follows me. She also follows me every were I go even toilet. 
She will happly sleep through the night in her crate but this is right next to my bed.

I'm happy with her following me and sleeping on my lap. 
there are so many diffrent information on line about how to deal with separation anxiety we are both getting confused and I am not sure what is best.

If I go to toilet and shut door on her she will scratch and cry at door, she does same if I go take bins out. I have left her will my husband and my parents on sepret ocasions and they have all said she runs round looking for me and gets really distressed crying, yelping.

I have tried putting her in kitchen with a kong toy and shutting baby gate for 5 min and going to sit in livingroom were she cant see me. She just crys and claws the gate. As soon as I open the gate she will happly play/eat her kong and just now and again walk to livingroom to check I'm still there and then go back to her kong.

I do stay at home as I am unwell so do not work but as everybody needs to will need to leave her for at least a few hours at somepoint, even so me and hubby can just go cinima or somthing. I just don't know what to do and hubby getting worried we may have to get trainer in to help?
Thanks in advance x


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## Annabellam

I can understand your frustration. Most people go through this phase.

I think the first thing is to ensure that you are not unknowingly encouraging the behaviour. Do you make a big fuss when going out or coming in?

Boredom and lack of exercise can also lead to separation anxiety. Ensure that your pet is well stimulated physically and mentally at least before going out. If it is work ensure that maybe after breakfast you went for a walk before stepping out for the day. I do that with Sammy.
Pick out appropriate toys to keep him busy also even when you leave him with someone.

Teach him appropriate behaviour through discipline and training. Ensure that it is well familiar with the crate and that it can spend time there even when you are around the house.


You can also change your routine a little bit and do not make a big fuss when you come back to the house.


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## 2ndhandgal

14 weeks is still a baby and you just need to make going out part of her training routine, so every day go out, close the door and come back in again a few times - I used going to the bin as ideal practice and took things individually over and over again until it became boring, likewise give her a kong and wait until she is happily engaged then go out of the room for a second and straight back, sooner or later she will start to realise she does not need to panic.

My pair pretty much follow me everywhere and sleep in the room with me, they have learned that me going out though is not a problem and cope fine - but it does need practice like everything else and I make sure during holiday times that I still leave them from time to time to just keep them used to it.


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## Lcarp

Hi, no I don't make a fuss when I go or come back as know this is not good.

I go to the bin and back and do this a few times aday and she still sits by the door even scraches against it.
I also leave her with toys she loves to play with. Will start eating kong but as soon as I move out of sight she starts up again.
I know she's only a pup but just want her to be able to start getting used to being left on her own. Am I doing everything wrong?
What appropriate behaviour through discipline and training can I do to help this please?


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## Cat 53

Be repetitive, be consistant and be relaxed. It's very early days.


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## Doglover

Try looking at the Jan Fennel DVD she covers the process on how to build up separation


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## Lynac

Our Darcy is 17 weeks old now .
When we first had her 5 weeks ago she was terrible with this separation thing.
I couldn't move anywhere without her.
She would get so upset and panic and shake , cry and pee herself and if left at home in her crate she would poo.
We have gradually got her to sleep off my lap go into the garden by herself and my husband takes her for walks without me.
Which she is now getting really good with and not scared at all.
She as been trained to come , sit and wait.
She is so much better.
Not 100% but she is still only a baby.
The more we take her out to different places with different people the better she seems to be getting.
She had her first professional puppy groom yesterday where we left her for an hour.
So I'm sure your little dog will get better with time.
I think it is a socializing and confidence thing.


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## LuckyCockapoo

I work from home so Lucky was with me constantly. 

The advice above is good. You just need to build up bit by bit being apart. You'll still get scratching at the door and whining. Just keep making sure you have time apart - literally start with seconds, then minutes, few times a day.


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## Calamitykate

Glad I found this thread, My cockapoo Wyatt is 10weeks old today and I've had him a week. He follows me everywhere, I can't crate him as he goes ballistic throwing himself around, I leave him in the kitchen Day/night and he again goes mad, barking, howling scratching hell out of my new doors (I'm lucky my neighbour is elderly and tells me he can't hear him!) this is to he point he wee's and poo's from the stress of it. He needs to learn that I'm coming back, but I'm literally at my wits end with him. I live alone which makes it hard too. I put a baby gate on the stairs to stop him coming up and he throws himself at that too so I now leave it open because I don't want him getting hurt. He currently sleeps in my room because after trying for 3 nights to have him down stairs it was the most horrendous experience for both of us. My sister looked after him for a 3 hours today and he barked and whimpered for half an hour after I left. This behaviour isn't good for him or me as I'm beginning to feel like a prisoner in my own home!! All advise would be very very welcomed  thanks, katy


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## LuckyCockapoo

10 weeks is young, it will change and pretty fast. He's just been taken away from his mum and litter and all he's ever known, you are the stability in that and he'll stick to you like glue. In a way enjoy it as it won't last!

With Lucky he was the same. In other threads I said we had him in a pen in our bedroom, slowly moved it outside the room, eventually downstairs over the course of a week or so. He wasn't totally happy at first but it wasn't that long before he knows it's bedtime and he is happy to be in the utility room to sleep. At 6am he's sat at the glass door waiting for me but not distressed. 

I also used to leave him, usually with a high value treat. At first literally for seconds. Building it up to a couple of minutes. Several times a day. Use feeding as an opportunity to do that too. Just be out of sight when he's comfortable. 

Lucky doesn't like to be on his own, doesn't like closed doors, but he's not distressed about it.


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## Cat 53

I think what they hate the most is being prevented from reaching you by a physical barrier. You leaving the room is not the issue,it's them being physically prevented from keeping you in sight. That's the problem. And separation anxiety is a strong label to put on a very young pup. Think of it more as unnatural desertion by their pack.....even wild dogs don't leave their young undefended or unsupervised.


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## Lynac

Darcy is 5 months old now and a really brilliant little dog.
But it's not always been like that.
At first she was the same, stuck to me like Velcro.
I crate trained her.
Not easy I no but you do have to persevere.
I started feeding her in it.
Putting her toys and treats in it.
Locking her in for short periods.
She would poo in there and roll in it , scream and howl.
It was a nightmare .
That latest for about 4/5 weeks but now she's fine.
I can now leave her in her crate for a few hours 3/4 and she is fine.
She sleeps in the crate at night next to my bed.
I would never allow her to sleep in or on my bed.
It's hard for both of you but try to ignore her.
Don't have her on your lap .
Make her wait outside the bathroom door ,if she scratches put her in the crate.
I promise you she will be fine.
Short periods won't hurt her. 
Ignore bad behavior reward good.
I am click training Darcy and she is doing great.
I feel your pain , be strong .


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## boriscockapoo

We are encountering similar behaviour with Boris, our 10 week old Cockapoo. From reading threads it doesn't sound like he has developed separation anxiety at such a young age, however he does not enjoy being left alone and follows my partner & I around like he's our shadow. He has no issues staying alone in his crate at night, and we have left him on a handful of occasions for up to one hour without too much distress. Today we tried placing him in his crate for some exposure to alone time and he became very distressed. He was whining, crying, digging, scratching and doing everything possible to get out of his crate. Now it feels like we have taken a massive step back to the very beginning of increasing his tolerance to being left alone 
So far in his little life he's had quite a lot of time spent with people and we are trying to increase how long he spends alone without making it too distressing for him, but today feels like a big step in the wrong direction!


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## Cat 53

boriscockapoo said:


> We are encountering similar behaviour with Boris, our 10 week old Cockapoo. From reading threads it doesn't sound like he has developed separation anxiety at such a young age, however he does not enjoy being left alone and follows my partner & I around like he's our shadow. He has no issues staying alone in his crate at night, and we have left him on a handful of occasions for up to one hour without too much distress. Today we tried placing him in his crate for some exposure to alone time and he became very distressed. He was whining, crying, digging, scratching and doing everything possible to get out of his crate. Now it feels like we have taken a massive step back to the very beginning of increasing his tolerance to being left alone
> So far in his little life he's had quite a lot of time spent with people and we are trying to increase how long he spends alone without making it too distressing for him, but today feels like a big step in the wrong direction!


 But why? What is wrong with him being with you just now? We have never used a crate, or a barricade of any sort. We are at home mostly.....so the dogs follow everywhere. I am currently sat in a chair with Phoebe squashed open my right side and Max at my feet. This is their usual place. However, there are times when we go out leaving the dogs at home alone. They have the run of the conservatory and dining room on these occasions and are fine. Mostly they sleep on the conservatory couch and are very relaxed about being left. So my advice is keep them close now. Get a good strong relaxed routine going. Treat them as a member of the family, interacting with everyone. Teach them good manners and give them the confidence to know their home and to know they are safe alone in it.


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## LuckyCockapoo

Cat 53 said:


> But why? What is wrong with him being with you just now? We have never used a crate, or a barricade of any sort. We are at home mostly.....so the dogs follow everywhere. I am currently sat in a chair with Phoebe squashed open my right side and Max at my feet. This is their usual place. However, there are times when we go out leaving the dogs at home alone. They have the run of the conservatory and dining room on these occasions and are fine. Mostly they sleep on the conservatory couch and are very relaxed about being left. So my advice is keep them close now. Get a good strong relaxed routine going. Treat them as a member of the family, interacting with everyone. Teach them good manners and give them the confidence to know their home and to know they are safe alone in it.


Yeah I totally subscribe to this approach myself. Given the description it sounds like good progress. 

I'm not anti crate, but I don't feel I need one given our home set up.


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## blondie1

hoping to crate my new puppy, what chances do you think i have of sucess ?


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## LuckyCockapoo

Chance of crating a puppy?

100%

Assuming you work at it and through any problems. 

I keep in my mind that any problems are not the dogs fault, they're my fault for not working enough to teach him, and find a way to get through to him what I want him to be doing. 

It all comes down to how much effort you put in if there are problems. This isn't to same I'm perfect at all - I just recognise it's more me than the dog! 

A less glib answer, check out the endless YouTube videos on crates and arm yourself with as many ideas and techniques as you can.


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## Nickybn

*Learning to be alone*

Hello, I got my Cockapoo 5 days ago when he was 8 weeks old. I have started to train him to be alone during the day as I work full time. So far I've started a bit of a cold turkey approach where I settle him in his crate and then shut him away in his room. He normally cries for 10 mins and then settles down to sleep for an hour. Is this training Ok? Or any I going to cause him to be more anxious? When I go back to him I normally give him a treat for being good and settled-is this right? Thank you


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