# Regrets



## Weaktea (Feb 19, 2013)

I know you are all going to think I'm awful when I write this but I really need to get it off my chest. I feel terrible but I actually really regret getting our dog. He's 16 weeks & was an absolute nightmare at first - biting, snarling etc - but has calmed down a lot & only hangs from ankles once or twice a day! He's also done really well with toilet training & is a lovely dog. However, I'm really struggling with the responsibility. My husband isn't really an animal person so I do all the feeding, training, cleaning up etc. The dog poos constantly (outside thankfully) & with 2 cats & 2 fish already I feel I spend my life cleaning up after animals or children (I have 2 kids as well - a total houseful). I don't really like taking him out for a walk unless I am with the kids as otherwise he either sits down or pulls like mad & if he sees other people or dogs, he whimpers & tries to follow them which I find really embarrassing as they must think he would rather go with them! I end up picking him up & rushing away (& he's getting a bit heavy for that). I sometimes find myself looking at him & thinking how can I put up with him for 10+ yrs. My husband has gone to see his parents with the kids today & they are staying overnight but I've had to stay home to look after the dog. I just feel really resentful (not that I'm desperate to see my inlaws just that I feel it's a taste of things to come!). I'm ranting on to all of you because I can't speak to anyone as they will all say I told you so. I was adamant that it was the right thing to get a dog but now I feel totally stupid as I just feel totally unsuited to dog ownership. He went to his first puppy training class today so I'm trying to improve things but he even annoyed me there as he was the only one who wouldn't come when called- he went to the instructor fine but wouldn't come to me, just sat down staring at me as if thinking yeah right I'm not going to you - maybe he's picking up vibes from me. He is absolutely adorable sometimes & is loving but sometimes I feel I almost hate him & then wonder how I could possibly think that when he's being sweet. Even my 4 year old asked me today "why did you buy him then?". That floored me as I couldn't actually think of a reason. I'm sure you've probably not got to the end of this essay - if so apologies for the length of my moan but I'm really feeling quite despondent.
Also my cats don't come in anymore as they hate him & he chases them which makes me very miserable as they are quite old & I feel really guilty


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## mandym (Jun 5, 2011)

Dogs are very sensitive animals and will pick up on the way you are feeling hence the reson he wont come when called,i mean would you want to run to someone who felt that way about you.Some people do go through a stage where they wonder if they have done the right thing getting a dog but you really need to make a choice now whether you want to make it work or rehome the little guy while he is still young enough to settle happily in a new home.Once the puppy stage passes it does get a lot easier but a dog is always a huge resposibility no matter what age they are and if you feel it really is overwhelming then its perhaps fairer to find a new loving home for him now xxx


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## dmgalley (Aug 19, 2012)

i think it is ok to admit that having a dog is not working for you. I know that sometimes things seem like a good idea, but in reality they just don't work the way you thought they would, or need them too. 
I do believe your pup can feel it. I know Jake is very sensitive to my moods. If you feel the way you do (it does not just seem like occasional puppy blues) and your husband is not a dog person either, maybe you should re home the puppy. 
If you do it now while he is young and take the time to find a good home where he will be loved and cared for, I don't think you need to feel guilty. Giving him to home home that will love him and enjoy him is the right thing to do.


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## Cat 53 (Aug 26, 2012)

How sad for you and him......but agree with what's already been said. Would the breeder have him back? It is true that they are a bigger responsibility than cats.


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## Marzi (Sep 17, 2012)

I've sometimes felt like that about my husband - but 26 years later we are still enjoying each other's company, most of the time!
It is hard to be honest... well done for being open about your feelings.
Being a wife, mum, all round gofer and puppy slave is hard work. 
Maybe you are just having a really down day and will feel much more positive in the morning after a night free of inlaws, other half and kids...
If not, then do think it through carefully - what is really the best for your pup, you and your family.
Do you have a friend with a dog that you could go for walks with - it would make it so much more fun for you if you did not feel so isolated and like a failure. Load your pockets up with tasty treats for your pup and talk to some of the dog walkers you meet - mostly they are a friendly bunch and they might be able to help you.
Be kind to yourself.


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## Weaktea (Feb 19, 2013)

Thanks everyone. I feel a bit relieved to have actually been able to write all this down. Once I started it just all came tumbling out - I've obviously just been bottling it all up. Maybe it is just puppy blues- I feel so unsure what to do. I'll either be regretting keeping him or regretting not keeping him - it feels like a no win situation. I do love him but its just so much harder than I expected & I don't want him to be unhappy. I have one friend with a dog but she lives about 40mins away - none of my friends nearby have dogs so yes maybe I do feel a bit isolated - they just see the cute puppy but haven't got the responsibility & dont know how I'm feeling. I think the whole thing is just very scary. Feels more stressful than when I had the kids. Very difficult to know what to do.


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## dmgalley (Aug 19, 2012)

Weaktea said:


> Thanks everyone. I feel a bit relieved to have actually been able to write all this down. Once I started it just all came tumbling out - I've obviously just been bottling it all up. Maybe it is just puppy blues- I feel so unsure what to do. I'll either be regretting keeping him or regretting not keeping him - it feels like a no win situation. I do love him but its just so much harder than I expected & I don't want him to be unhappy. I have one friend with a dog but she lives about 40mins away - none of my friends nearby have dogs so yes maybe I do feel a bit isolated - they just see the cute puppy but haven't got the responsibility & dont know how I'm feeling. I think the whole thing is just very scary. Feels more stressful than when I had the kids. Very difficult to know what to do.


It does get better. The puppy part is so hard. And i know what you mean about it seeming harder than the kids. I say that all the time. All dogs want is love and attention. You don't have to be perfect.


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## barrett (Sep 28, 2010)

We all have times like this with a puppy. Our dog is settling down now at 6 months old. 

She's stopped nibbling things quite so much and will settle down in the evenings rather than going metal.

It gets easier but perhaps you also need a bit more help.

P.s don't worry about the going with other dogs in the park. This doesn't reflect on you it is entirely normal dog behaviour!

Also for recall try a whistle and a really tasty treat like a bit of ham ecerytime he comes back when you blow it. If he doesn't come back don't blow it a second time go and get him. If you blow it a second time or call the name a second time & reward him when he comes back it will teach him that he can just come back whenever he wants and will still get a treat!!


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## kendal (Jul 16, 2009)

A puppy is a big commitment, and they can be hard work but they are worth it. 


I do think you need to spend some alone time with the puppy away from the family, going walks, playing, training. Anything that will act as a bonding exorcize, got to town and take a walk to a caffe with out door seating just have some chill out time with him and expose him to some new things. 


They do pick up on you energy so that's why the trainer will be much more interesting. 


Can I ask why the pup couldn't go with you and your family to the inlaws, do they not like dogs. 


Puppies can also be funny the first couple of weeks out walking, all new and scary, but they get used to it. 

So just try and chill and have a little bonding time with your pup.


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## wilfiboy (Sep 18, 2010)

The first few weeks are so hard. Are you happy to post which town you live in I'm sure people on here would be happy to meet up, it may help before you have to make a decision x


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## Weaktea (Feb 19, 2013)

He's actually been looking at me with very sad eyes since I started this discussion. I feel very guilty! With regards to inlaw visit, there was no invitation to bring him along so I didn't want to push it. They have got a cat though so I will let them off. Also hubby doesn't like the dog in the car as he thinks it makes it smell so a 2hr trip to their house wasn't really on the cards! Don't worry, I'm quite enjoying watching my own tv choice - no match of the day! 
I live on the wirral.


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## Florida Cockapoo (Aug 24, 2012)

Hay there, we will be getting a puppy also soon. Hubby and I talked about it for a long time before decided. Sounds like your hubby will have no part of the dog. To me that doesn't sound good at all. To me both people have to be on board to have a new life in the home.

Like everyone says dogs pick up on these feelings. At a young age is a good time for training, but if only one person is doing all the work and no one else in the family is at least helping in some way. It could not turn out well for the pup or people.

I will be doing most of the feeding and training. But hubby will be involved in the training and socializing with the pup. So we both with be building a relationship with our dog.

I think you really need to look and see if the a dog fits well in your family. From what you have said it doesn't seem to be the case. Like not being able to take the dog with you in the car. I have travel with dogs before and they don't stink up a car, unless they get car sick. My husband family have a lot of BIG dogs and they travel with these dogs everywhere. One family member has a Winebago and comes down for Christmas. They have two young boys and 3 LARGE dogs they travel with. Probably on the road for 7-8 hours and their dogs don't smell up the place. So not all dogs stink. 

I hope you can make a decision on this soon for the pup and you. If you do decide to keep the dog. I think everyone in the family has to be in agreement to keep the dog.

When I was looking for a dog I also looked at rescue. One of the questions everyone of these places asked was "Did everyone one in the family agree to have a dog?" Its an important question....

Good luck with your decision...


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## Snowy (Apr 1, 2013)

I really do admire your honesty, but at the same time I feel really sad for your puppy who may not be getting any cuddles from you, and will be picking up on the bad feelings you have. All dogs want is to be loved. They have to learn how to behave, they can't be expected to just know, and it is up to us to have the patience to teach them. If you really do not think you can fulfil that role, you have to do the kindest thing and endeavour to find a new home for your puppy. On the Cockapoo club of GB site, they have a rehoming section, and the people on there have loads of contacts to help find Cockapoo's new forever homes. And most importantly, they would never judge you, they would just help you. May be worth you contacting them for advice. Good luck.


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## Weaktea (Feb 19, 2013)

I am about to do a new post which will make you all laugh - talk about a dog getting his own back. Am going to have a good think this week & will let you know what happens. Thanks for all being so understanding. Am feeling really emotional about it this morning.


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## DB1 (Jan 20, 2012)

I was going to ask what area you lived in as well, as it would be great for you if you could meet up with someone from this forum. Had to laugh at Marzi's post - yep me too with the hubby thing, but then I actually think much as I grumble about having to put up with the grumpy old s*d we'll probably be still together (still moaning) into old age! not exactly the same situation I know but just to say that sometimes you have to work at sticking with things, it's not always easy. I think from the replies on here you are being told either choice would be ok, you need to decide what is the right choice for you. You are over the worst puppy phase but the commitment goes on. I knew I really, really wanted a dog - not for my son or my family, but for me. I am also the one that does all the cleaning up, the walking and the training but that is fine. I had thought long and hard. I guess sometimes though even thinking about it beforehand doesn't prepare you for the reality that you are now facing. Good luck making your decision, as you say it is a hard choice either way. xx


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## barrett (Sep 28, 2010)

I'm surprised everyone is so keen to tell you to rehome / give the dog up!

I think from the sound of it you need to go to puppy socialisation classes at a local vet to let you dog learn how to play with other dogs.

Go to puppy classes and learn how to train your dog. This is hard work but makes your life much easier in the long run!

Tell your husband to either help with the kids or with the dog more.


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## NikkiB (Jan 16, 2013)

When we had Samson i had a real shock as he totally changed our lives. Gone was the being able to sit and relax whenever i wanted to. My garden which i love was slowly being dug up and ripped to pieces, i felt totally exhausted all the time and felt like i was constantly following him round making sure he wasn't doing things he shouldn't be.
Many many times i thought....oh my! What have i done? It was so much easier without him....is he worth all the trouble...i shouldn't have had him.

But now he is 7 months old and we have really bonded and even though i still find it hard, i find that it's less and less that i'm getting frustrated with him. I have had to accept that for the time being my easy life has been put on hold, and that it will return once the puppy stage has passed. I had to change my attitude about how i thought about him and instead of getting cross and upset (which i did all the time!!!) i had to start saying to myself....oh well... i'll just mop up the muddy paw prints again, it's fine, and....it doesn't matter if i have big holes in my lawn i can sort that out once he's grown up etc. On the plus side i've lost 9lbs having to keep getting up and playing with him!

It takes time to build up the bond and love him no matter what he does, so don't worry about how you're feeling, it's natural and i'm sure with time you will find yourself feeling that he is part of the family and that you have grown to love him. It's not an instant thing. I too feel like i have done most of the hard work with our puppy and the family just want the nice bits and the cuddles. It's very very hard. 
I had my first day yesterday when i had a little taster of what it will be like soon - Samson sat in the garden with me yesterday in the sunshine whilst i was on my lounger with a glass of wine soaking up the first rays of spring! He was asleep on the bench and we sat like that for an hour! Bliss!!! I found myself keep watching him and realizing that i wouldn't have it any other way


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## mandym (Jun 5, 2011)

barrett said:


> I'm surprised everyone is so keen to tell you to rehome / give the dog up!
> 
> I think from the sound of it you need to go to puppy socialisation classes at a local vet to let you dog learn how to play with other dogs.
> 
> ...


I think if this was just a simple case of feeling over whelmed then more people would be giving advice about training etc but with the pup not even being allowed in the car and hubby not being a dog person this poor little pup is going to pick up on all this which could then make training even more difficult.puppies dont just need training ,they need cuddles and need to feel loved too and im sorry but reading the frst post there doesnt seem to be much love there.I do think its very brave to admit this though but the puppies needs have to come first xxx


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## Weaktea (Feb 19, 2013)

Oh my god Nikkib - that is exactly how I feel. You are making me feel a bit more positive. I do really love him and have spent the whole morning with him sitting on my knee crying at the thought of losing him (good job rest of family aren't here!). This is after his bath of course (if you've read my other post you'll understand why!). Am going to have a big talk with hubby this evening to see how he feels about it. I think the lifestyle change has really overwhelmed me


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## Toffin (Aug 8, 2012)

Gosh, how I feel for you and your little puppy. I'm the primary carer for little Miss Polly and am on my own with her for more than half the time - not that my husband doesn't wish to look after her but for various reasons we live apart more often than we live together. And where I am, there Miss Polly is.

My elderly mother had just fallen backwards down the stairs and I was looking after her 24/7 when Miss P came home at 10 weeks. I spent the next four months in a state of exhaustion, completely overwhelmed by concern for my mother and an unpredictable, demanding puppy who seemed to pee and poo all the time, was terrified at going outside and wouldn't let me out of her sight. Add in monthly 5-hour car journeys (each way), work and dreadful, dreadful weather.

And yet, here we are at 8+ months. P is such a smashing dog - loyal, loving, obedient, fun, bags of energy, a constant companion, brilliant in the car (and no, the car does not smell of dog!), loved by all the family, friends and everyone we meet when we're out, and adapts immediately to four houses where she lives and regularly visits. We have lovely off leash outings 2/3 hours a day. She plays with her toys in the morning until I come down (at a time of my choosing!), plays in the garden with sticks and outside toys, cuddles up on the sofa in the evening. And I talk to her all the time whilst we're doing chores, gardening, cooking together...

Sorry, this has become a bit long, but just really wanted to confirm what others have said about the difference a few months can make. I was the one who pushed for a dog, and I never expected it to be so much hard work at the beginning. (And yes, if it hadn't been for my pride, I could have easily decided that it just wasn't working...) But I now know her and she knows me, and we've come through it together.

(Feeling a bit emotional)

Toffin
x


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## Florida Cockapoo (Aug 24, 2012)

Weaktea said:


> I am about to do a new post which will make you all laugh - talk about a dog getting his own back. Am going to have a good think this week & will let you know what happens. Thanks for all being so understanding. Am feeling really emotional about it this morning.


I don't know how you came about getting this dog, but I'll tell you ours wasn't easy either. My story is we have a bird (27 years old, more bubbies bird) and our cat we have had for 7 years. I started to notice about a year and half ago our cat seemed to be slowing down. So started to think about getting another animal. But didn't know what I wanted and mention this to hubby. He wasn't to excited about the ideal. Well it kind of died there.

Well months later my husband listen to a book call "Art of Racing in the Rain". Its a story about a dog. Then one day on the back off our pouch hubby ask if a dog would mess up our life style. Because I know a dog is a BIGGER comment then a cat or bird. You can't just get up a leave for a few days. I said yes we can work a dog in our lives.

Well fast forward to now we will have a dog hopefully by the end of summer. But this is not with out a lot of going back and forth. He considerations and mine. My husband had a harder time coming around to the ideal. But he has had many months to think about it. Its not like he hasn't had dogs when he was younger but non as adult. I a couple times I even told him if he wasn't on board for the dog, then we will not get one. But he has come around and now is looking forward to the puppy. Then wants to go down in person to pick the pup out.

I know I will be doing most of the hard work taking care of the puppy. But then my hubby works hard at his job. He does work from home so he will not totally get away with out taking care of the dog. 

If you can get your hubby on board for at least start having some involvement in this dogs life as well as your kids then you have a start at something good for you and your dog. 

People on here just don't want you to keep this dog a few more years, when he is totally a screwed up dog, then now someone else has to deal with this dog and getting him right again.


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## Kody&Beau (Aug 18, 2012)

Have to say I totally agree with Mandy M and Kim, when thinking of having a puppy then everyone in the family should be in agreeing that it is the best thing for your family, if your husband was against a pup to the extent that he does not like him in the car then I'm afraid I really don't think that a dog is going to fit in with your life. I'm my home yes I'm the one that feeds them cleans up after them etc etc but my husband will always come with me on walks and cuddles them as much as me. I do feel sorry for your situation and how you are feeling but I think your feelings are far more than just the puppy blues if I'm honest, I cannot help but feel really sorry for you pup which without a doubt really be feeling your anxiety and somewhat your negative feelings towards him, dogs are amazing for picking up our feelings. It's a shame because dogs are so loving and loyal and just the best company to have around not to mention they get you out and about walking everyday and meeting new people but it seems at the moment you are just thinking about all the negatives and do not see any positives in having a dog. I truly hope that you can have a good think this week and do what right for you and your family but importantly for your puppy too.


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## Hfd (Aug 19, 2011)

It sounds as if you are quite down about things - maybe due to the overwhelming responsibility you feel for your pup and maybe due to other factors. 
If your hubby wasn't keen on getting a dog but you really wanted one maybe he is a bit resentful that things have been difficult so far, maybe show him these posts if you can't explain things? The first few months owning a pup are definitely the hardest but if you love your dog the pleasure they bring you everyday will outweigh any feelings of the hard work and responsibility. As others have said maybe you need to just have some fun with your dog and enjoy getting fresh air and exercise at the same time. Do you go out as a family maybe at weekends and take your pup to the beach etc? Are your kids old enough to take some responsibility - mine like doing assault courses in the garden and teaching tricks! 
Only you know if your hubby is going to come round and accept your dog as part of the family, I would imagine if he is going to be obstructive (dog not in car etc) then maybe he isn't ready. Also I would ask if I wanted to take the dog anywhere such as in laws! I would find it very difficult if everyone didn't love and want the family dog around.
If you truly feel that things are not going to improve then maybe the kindest thing would be to give up your pup to a loving home - it really does sound as if your pup is picking up on the vibes, they are very sensitive. Not an easy decision to make, good luck.


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## NikkiB (Jan 16, 2013)

Also just wanted to say don't worry about feeling embarressed when out with your pup. It takes a while to get used to what they're going to do. You will get to meet lots of new friends who have dogs and who you will bump in to regularly.

Samson really embarressed me yesterday as i met a man with a dog who Samson really liked and i had him on an extendable lead, he was so excited to see them he ran round and round the man before i had chance to reel him in and i had to spend a couple of minutes with my arms round this stranger trying to untangle him from the lead as he was totally wrapped up! I was sooooo embarressed but we were both laughing. I now know that next time i will keep him on short lead! 
Don't worry that he's not doing as he's told yet, he's still very young and you're both learning together. Samson ignores me when i call him especially if i'm stopping him from doing something naughty! Training will help you with what to do in those situations too. I hope after you have a chat with your hubby and he knows how you feel you can sort out what is best for you to do. 

Also this forum is fab with loads of lovely people for you to get advice from and to have a good moan to aswell! We are all here for you no matter what you decide to do. Big hugs xxx


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## Debs&Boys (Jan 27, 2013)

I really feel for you, all you need is some moral support and someone to top up your wine glass. If your hubby isn't interested do you have a friend or someone to mull it all over with that knows you, knows your husband. Is there no way he will come round, do you think he will when the pup is older?

Hope it all works out for you, but only you know whats best for you and your family


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## calli.h (Aug 29, 2011)

Weaktea said:


> He's actually been looking at me with very sad eyes since I started this discussion. I feel very guilty! With regards to inlaw visit, there was no invitation to bring him along so I didn't want to push it. They have got a cat though so I will let them off. Also hubby doesn't like the dog in the car as he thinks it makes it smell so a 2hr trip to their house wasn't really on the cards! Don't worry, I'm quite enjoying watching my own tv choice - no match of the day!
> I live on the wirral.


Hi, I don't get on the site as much as I used to so just read you post, I live on the Wirral, in Bebington, and would gladly meet up with you for walk or chat if you want to and feel it may help?


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## wilfiboy (Sep 18, 2010)

Yey, that's sounds great Calli I'm sure it'll be a great help


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## Jayded (Apr 5, 2013)

Weaktea, I sincerely hope your talk goes well with your husband. Good luck whatever decision is made.


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## JoJo (Mar 2, 2011)

Weaktea .. I am sorry to read things are not how you or your family expected. I would recommend you have a read of my blog, in puppy care as there are many tips that may help you if you do keep your puppy. 

I am not going to give you a long speech on not rehoming, as I am not against rehoming, I feel as long as that dog is getting the best quality care and love, that is what is really important to a dog and I am very much a dog lover but would rather see a dog rehomed and loved. I see too many dogs that are not cared for by their owners and I feel that is much worse than saying ok it didnt work for us but we want to do the best thing for the dog. 

If and big if you do rehome him I would highly recommend you contact your breeder and give them the chance to take this puppy back, as it is only fair after they have bred him plus they may want to keep him or find a suitable family, which they may be more experienced at doing as they know to look for i a new owner. 

I truly wish you all the best with whatever you decide, I appreciate this was brave of you to mention on a cockapoo loving forum and brave of you to admit that puppy care and ownership is harder for some owners.


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## Jedicrazy (Apr 26, 2011)

What a difficult position to be in. I'm sorry to read it just hasn't turned out the way you thought it would. If your husband wont even let a little puppy in the car then what will he be like when puppy is fully grown and bigger? You have to be really truthful and realistic with yourselves and if you can't give this little puppy 100% then it would be kinder and wiser to return the puppy to the breeder (assuming the breeder wanted this. Sometimes things just don't work out and I think you are very brave to be so open and honest about it.


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## emmelg (Mar 4, 2012)

Do you have a crate? I don't think I would of coped with the puppy stage without mine, it gives your puppy somewhere to rest and importantly time for yourself when you get stressed with the nipping etc, the biting will stop when he loses his puppy teeth and he will calm down alot, but he needs to feel loved and secure, as others have said...spend some alone time with him,play fetch,do some training, Cockapoos are one of the most loveable friendly dogs you will ever come across... I wish you well with whatever decision you make x


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## Weaktea (Feb 19, 2013)

Hi Calli. Thats very kind of you. It would be lovely if we could meet up for a walk. I don't drive (hence the car issue) but I live in Parkgate if you fancy venturing over for a look at the marsh fire & a Nichols ice cream!


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## tosh (Feb 10, 2012)

Just been reading all the posts. Firstly I think you are very brave to be so honest about how you feel. It's easier to let things drift on - but you are trying to find the best solution for you the puppy and the family. No one is going to judge you here - sometimes things just don't work out and there is no shame in saying I tried but it wasn't for me.

We never owned a dog and actually we were going to get a cat before my niece talked me into looking at getting a dog. The early days/ weeks are daunting and overwhelming at times. It can be quite challenging and along with the bad days you will have, if you decide to keep the puppy, days when you wouldn't wish to be without him. To get to that point you and your family need to be committed to raising the puppy...I still do most of the training grooming walking but I know that my husband will support me if needed and actually although he wasn't the one who wanted the dog has seen how much joy she brings to us the extended family and our home. 

I too was concerned about dog smells in the house car - but there are things you can do like house down paws bottom when they come back from a walk - use wipes after pee/poo. Car seat covers - added cost and time but if you start early enough he will accept that's what happens. 

I still have the odd days when I think Mitzi is hard work but I can honestly say that despite that we wouldn't be without her. You will know what is the right decision for you and your family and if it doesn't work for our kinder to get him rehomed now than later. Good luck!


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## Weaktea (Feb 19, 2013)

Thanks everyone for taking the time to reply. I was very interested
to see that some other people have felt overwhelmed & questioned their sanity. To answer some of your questions one of the reasons I got a puppy was that my husband is away with work a lot & I felt a dog would keep me company. Our puppy seems to be friends with me again - dogs are very forgiving! I have suggested a 2nd cheaper car for doggy journeys. A bit extreme I know but he is at least mulling it over. He's is very sporty which is why I thought he would come round quickly with dog walking etc. he has taken him out with boys a couple of times & has commented that they seem to be going outside a lot more rather than playing on iPads etc which is good. I will be able to spend a bit more time next week as kids will be back at school & house will be a bit less frantic. Still some decisions to make x


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## wellerfeller (Jul 12, 2011)

Sounds to me that when your husband comes around to life with a dog all will be fine! 
Hang in there both husband and puppy will improve and you will not be worrying about half the things you are at the moment. Ask him to do some of the walking, feeding and training. Once he starts building a proper bond with your dog, which it sounds like he is trying his best not to, it will relieve the pressure on you to make sure everything is perfect and just so. Good luck


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## Meri (Jan 11, 2013)

Our pup is 13 weeks now and we are still in the throws of puppy mania too!
My husband really doesn't like dogs but i only married him on the condition we could one day have one (seriously)! Finally the time came and i had reservations internally as i knew it would be down to me to do all the hard work (as i was the one who wanted him). My husband basically thought dogs where dirty and smelly and didn't like to touch them without washing his hands after. i'm making him sound horrible so for the record he's a wonderful loving person!

All i can say is yesterday i came downstairs and the dog was asleep on my husband's head. yes, actually laying over his head on the sofa! i catch him talking to him when he thinks i'm not around and he keeps taking photos of the dog doing anything and everything!

I found that in not pushing him to do doggy chores, he saw me enjoying puppy cuddles and walks and wanted to join in. Then i'd suggest he takes him ouside for a wee or gives him his breakfast etc and he liked the fact that the dog followed him round afterwards.

Try to encourage your husband to take part in the fun stuff and he won't mind mucking in once he has more of a bond with the dog. Also if he feeds him sometimes then your pup will pay more attention to him and who can resist those longing cockapoo eyes!

I have days where i think - aaargh i need my life back and what have we done! But then the next day is a good dog day which will eventually turn into lots of those as he gets older.

I wish you so much luck and hope that whatever decision you make that you are happy in the long run.


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## Weaktea (Feb 19, 2013)

Wow are you sure we're not married to the same man! Sounds like he feels the same way as my hubby (has developed OCD for hand washing!)& it's inspiring that he has come round so quickly. I think I have been feeling so very depressed & negative about everything as it is difficult to be upbeat when someone is tutting about the dog walking on the carpet & jumps a mile if he tries to lick him. He knows how miserable I have been now & obviously doesn't want me to feel like that. I will show him your post! X


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## calli.h (Aug 29, 2011)

Will pm you calli x


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## femmedufromage (Oct 20, 2012)

Weaktea said:


> Wow are you sure we're not married to the same man! Sounds like he feels the same way as my hubby (has developed OCD for hand washing!)& it's inspiring that he has come round so quickly. I think I have been feeling so very depressed & negative about everything as it is difficult to be upbeat when someone is tutting about the dog walking on the carpet & jumps a mile if he tries to lick him. He knows how miserable I have been now & obviously doesn't want me to feel like that. I will show him your post! X


Oh Weaktea, I do feel for you! Please meet up with Cali, I love walking Monty and we have met some lovely people.


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## Scally (Mar 31, 2013)

Hi, as well as this forum there are other cockapoo owners websites and Facebook pages which you could look at to see if there are other cockapoo owners near you who you can join for walks. I think one if them organises regular meets/walks local to various members. I don't think we are allowed to name them on the forum but work a look. 

Good luck with what ever you choose to do.


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## Jen62 (Sep 20, 2012)

Hi all
Not a lot more to add given all the great advice except to reiterate that it does get better! Harley is 7 months now and if you look at some of my previous posts ypu'll gt an idea of my desperation at his behaviour! I truly believe I had post dogal depression or somehong similar as spent most of the time crying at first! Now I wouldn't be without him, he is a delight and really changed at 6 months when all the big teeth came through!! One thing that really helped me was taking a break; I had to go away with work for a week and it helped me get perspective on it so see if you can find a chance to take time out. Good luck with it and hope you work things out! Jen


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## Hfd (Aug 19, 2011)

Was just wondering how you were doing Weaktea?


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## Weaktea (Feb 19, 2013)

We are doing ok thanks. Things are a bit better now. Husband is never going to be a huge dog lover but we have actually has a couple of (very short like 5 mins!) car journeys which is definitely a small step for most people & a giant leap for him! I'm still very overwhelmed at times when kids are jumping round, puppy barking, cats hissing etc etc but am starting to enjoy things a bit more (have even added a time line on my post which can only be a step forward!). I managed to meet up with Calli for a walk which was really great. It was lovely to walk with another dog owner even if we did lose track of time a bit & our kids had to miss out on the promised ice cream! Hopefully we can do it again soon. 
Looking forward I feel more positive that Bruno will fit into our family - it just hasn't been an instant success but that doesn't mean that can't be turned around. Im very grateful for all the advice & help. Sorry am starting to ramble on - its getting late & my brain's not functioning well! Will keep you updated x


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## Jayded (Apr 5, 2013)

so glad things are looking up. Awesome you were able to get together with Calli. Good luck going forward.


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## NikkiB (Jan 16, 2013)

Thank you for the update! So lovely to hear it's getting slightly easier. You will notice a big difference at about 6 months. Would love to see a picture of Bruno


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## Sue T (Aug 1, 2012)

Hello. I think you will find that in another month your pup will settle down a bit when those adult teeth come through. That particular time saw a huge difference in the behaviour of Lucy our pup. Hope this helps.


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## creaky (Nov 5, 2012)

Hi, I have only just read this thread.
All I can say is ditto. Rosie is 10 months old, I have 2 children, 1 husband, 2 cats and 4 fish. I also work part time.
My husband didn't want a dog but I couldn't resist so puppy Rosie came to join our family.
I always take care of Rosie and the cats needs. I do all the feeding, walking etc.
BUT gradually Rosie grew on my husband (she is so lovely). Puppy days were hard work (she did eat a corner of a wall and lots of carpet underlay) but at between 9 and 10 months she calmed right down.
Now that my husband has realised what a cute, intelligent, loving, funny and well behaved dog she is I can see that he really loves her too.
He talks to her, throws sticks on the park for her and plays with her. He has even picked up poo (a thing he swore he would never do).
He has even given in to the fact that she jumps on the bed in the mornings for a cuddle.
Hang in there.


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## Weaktea (Feb 19, 2013)

Thanks Angela. You may not believe this! Today I took Bruno to the groomers & he came home smelling fresh as a daisy. Hubby actual picked him up & gave him a cuddle & made me take a photo cos "it's a one off"!!


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## Marzi (Sep 17, 2012)

That is a photo we all need to see 
I'm really glad to hear that it is getting a little easier and you are able to enjoy Bruno more.


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## Hfd (Aug 19, 2011)

Really glad that you are more positive and things have turned a corner. I would agree that around 6 months puppy's really settle down and show signs of the lovely dog they will become. I bet in a few months you will be saying your family couldn't imagine having a dog! x


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## RuthMill (Jun 30, 2012)

Glad things look to be turning around! It really does take some adjustment and I struggled too at first, I loved Lola from day one and didnt have regrets but I felt like a failure if she peed or pooped in the house or chewed something she shouldn't. When I learned to relax, it became much easier. I posted lots of threads during the difficult stage and now a year down the line, I wonder what all the fuss was about. Wouldn't be without Lola and probably will have a new pup by the end of the summer!! Eeeek!


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## RuthMill (Jun 30, 2012)

I just wanted to give links to a couple of threads I made during our difficult time and it was strange reading them back actually. Hard to believe we ever went through those periods of feeling disheartened. Lola does nothing but hearten now! 

http://ilovemycockapoo.com/showthread.php?t=9678&highlight=Puppy+blues

http://ilovemycockapoo.com/showthread.php?t=8863&highlight=Puppy+blues


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## Jedicrazy (Apr 26, 2011)

All small but very positive steps forward! It sounds to me like your hubby is slowly but surely falling for Bruno. Another notch for Poos versus Reluctant Husbands I think . I have to be honest and say that I thought your hubby would never come round and that Bruno would end up being re-homed but it sounds like its all getting much better and you certainly are sounding a lot more upbeat. Well done for persevering . Would love to see a photo of little Bruno...


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## Weaktea (Feb 19, 2013)

OK I admit I'm a technophobe. I think I have managed to add a photo but it's on its side I'm afraid so you will all have to have your heads at a funny angle to view it - hope you don't crick your necks! I think you'll have to agree he is a rather handsome chap x


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## dmgalley (Aug 19, 2012)

I agree he is handsome! I am glad things are getting better. My Willow is a bit of a monster and not very popular in the house right now. There are days that I have to just focus in how cute she is 

Sent from my SGH-T989 using Tapatalk 2


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## Weaktea (Feb 19, 2013)

Hi Clare, yes I'm sure lots of people (myself included) thought things wouldn't work out but I think things turned the corner due to all the advice & kind words on the forum so thanks to all of you. Hopefully onwards & upwards x


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## calli.h (Aug 29, 2011)

Weaktea said:


> We are doing ok thanks. Things are a bit better now. Husband is never going to be a huge dog lover but we have actually has a couple of (very short like 5 mins!) car journeys which is definitely a small step for most people & a giant leap for him! I'm still very overwhelmed at times when kids are jumping round, puppy barking, cats hissing etc etc but am starting to enjoy things a bit more (have even added a time line on my post which can only be a step forward!). I managed to meet up with Calli for a walk which was really great. It was lovely to walk with another dog owner even if we did lose track of time a bit & our kids had to miss out on the promised ice cream! Hopefully we can do it again soon.
> Looking forward I feel more positive that Bruno will fit into our family - it just hasn't been an instant success but that doesn't mean that can't be turned around. Im very grateful for all the advice & help. Sorry am starting to ramble on - its getting late & my brain's not functioning well! Will keep you updated x


May have to start off with the ice cream before the walk as I don't think I'll get away with that again  Glad things settling out and will be in touch soon x


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## RuthMill (Jun 30, 2012)

Lovely boy!


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## Weaktea (Feb 19, 2013)

Yes good idea, definitely ice cream first!


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## mairi1 (Mar 12, 2012)

Oh Bruno is VERY handsome 

xxx


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## NikkiB (Jan 16, 2013)

Oh i love him! What a cutie! Gorgeous Bruno!!!!


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## Clarkey (Jan 16, 2013)

Hi there, I am certainly no expert as Zipper is only 4 months old but I would gladly meet for a walk at Parkgate, we are in Neston! I'm sure the dogs would enjoy it!


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## Weaktea (Feb 19, 2013)

Sounds fab - have sent you a private message x


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## Jayded (Apr 5, 2013)

Weaktea said:


> Thanks Angela. You may not believe this! Today I took Bruno to the groomers & he came home smelling fresh as a daisy. Hubby actual picked him up & gave him a cuddle & made me take a photo cos "it's a one off"!!


oh we have to see that photo! that is awesome. Hopefully things continue to improve and he will integrate into your family completely


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## Smallears (Oct 28, 2012)

I've only just seen this post but I just wanted to let you know you are not the only person to feel like this. I struggle with having a dog and he's nealy 9 months old. I've never had any animals so this has been completely alien to me. It does get better and although il never love him like my husband and son do I do enjoy the walks with him, and he doesn't come back if he sees something more exciting than me!! Don't take it personally lol I hope things have improved since your first post x


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## Weaktea (Feb 19, 2013)

Thank you for this. Things have improved a lot but I do still have my low moments! It's really helpful & makes me feel less of a failure when I hear others have struggled to bond. I think we're getting there though x


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## AliAlfie (Jul 29, 2013)

Hi there, I've just been browsing the forum and when I read this thread so many thoughts went through my head! 
I am sure everyone feels the 'overwhelmed' factor at some stage, I know i am prepared to when ours come home next week, but even though it's a little scary reading these posts, I've also taken so much positivity from them too, as everyone seems to have been down a similar road but emerged the other end smiling and full of love for their little doggies, despite the knocks and setbacks along the way.

I see it's been a while since this thread was commented on, and would LOVE to hear an update to see how things are progressing for you. 

Oh yes, I couldn't leave without saying how gorgeous Bruno is, a real stunner!


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## Lins61 (Mar 4, 2012)

Completely missed this thread 

I know you might think I'm slightly crazy but .. when we got Pickle I felt similar to after having my daughter.. i.e. baby blues lol. I felt completely stressed out, worried by every little thing and I too, have a hubby who had balked against getting a dog for 4 years (which is how long our daughter had been nagging us!) I was ambient about it. I like all animals so was happy to get a cat or a dog but no it had to be a dog for Miss E lol. 

17 months down the line and Pickle is a super dog. He's still pretty crazy when it comes to meeting people and other dogs.. no nastiness in him though and hubby said the other day that we picked a good un.. he won't cuddle him much (mainly because he is an asthmatic and no matter what anyone tells you, they do moult and it isn't the fur that most people are allergic to - rather the dander). But we both now feel that he enhances our life, rather than makes it difficult!


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## Cat 53 (Aug 26, 2012)

Another angle to get your husband on board is that Bruno once he s older, will act as a warning siren for you and a home protector. If hubby is away a lot, then he and you, should feel more secure having a dog in the house. Bruno is lovely.


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## Weaktea (Feb 19, 2013)

Grrr have just typed big reply to this & then lost it somewhere in a computer black hole so here goes again!
Things are a lot better these days as Bruno is such a well behaved, friendly & sociable dog & that has helped. I still find dog ownership challenging & have moments when I wonder what I've done but he has become part if the family as he is pretty much impossible to resist even if I no longer have any personal space as there is either a child or a dog tripping me up & following my every move! Hubby still not a dog person but has come round & says Bruno is beautiful "for a dog". He is a good guard dog too. 
Went to a recall class yesterday as he is still so interested in people & other dogs but he was actually really good & came back to me most of the time - a miracle! My 8 yr old came with me & was brilliant as the boy who would scream if a dog came near him 6 mths ago actually petted all the other dogs, joined in the games & gave them all treats - something I never thought I'd see.
Really enjoy our walks as I like chatting to other dog owners & loads of people want to stop to admire Bruno as he is so gorgeous - cockapoos are definitely the best dogs. So all in all things are going well - not sure i would do it again but for the next 15 yrs or so I am an official doggy person. Anyway here is a photo of my three boys x


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## Weaktea (Feb 19, 2013)

Also meant to say that lots of people in here helped by saying how difficult they had found it - was nice to know I'm not the only one & that it was possible to get to the other side!


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## DebsH (Jun 24, 2012)

I am so happy to read this update 

And thank you for being so honest in your original post. It really made me think through getting a dog and whether it was right for our family. 

Your boys (all three of them!) are adorable! You must be so proud of your 8 year old overcoming his fear.


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## wilfiboy (Sep 18, 2010)

Great update and lovely picture, a smashing family shot I suppose all commitments are hard at times but the rewards out way the negatives xx


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## AliAlfie (Jul 29, 2013)

:whoo: arty2: oh I am so chuffed to read this, thanks so much for the update, it's made my day! Your boys look so happy, and its great news about your 8 year old...our daughter (also 8) is going to go to puppy training classes with us too, I think it's great to involve as many of the family in different ways as possible. So glad you decided to keep Bruno, and it may not be entirely as you expected but it sounds as if its working out just fine for you all, including dear Bruno.


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## NikkiB (Jan 16, 2013)

That is the most beautiful picture!!!!!!!!! Love it!


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## RuthMill (Jun 30, 2012)

Bruno looks gorgeous.. This made me emotional and I am glad that Bruno is a firm part of your family now.


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## Jayded (Apr 5, 2013)

great photo of your boys. They are all beautiful. Love the wide open, infectious smile on your younger son.


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