# Am I to soft????



## mandyrose (Jan 10, 2013)

I have had labrodors and retrievers all my life and decided to downsize when we sadly lost our last dog Gabriel. I was so excited when I came across cockerpoos and fell madly in love, after meeting a few in the flesh and their owners telling me what a dream they are, I excitedly set about finding one. We picked 8 week old Arlo up on Saturday so he has only been here five days, and he is ruling the house with a paw of iron  We live in a bungalow, so on the first night set up his crate in the hallway outside our bedroom.He had heat pad, scented blanket, lovely soft bed and cuddly toy, when he started whelping, and whining we resolved to ignore it. be cruel to be kind 4 hours later we said how much longer can he keep this up, then he brought out the howling! it was unbelievable how something so small could make so much noise we brought the crate in by the bed, that didnt help, he was attacking bars and pulling on them shaking the crate! I was scared he would hurt him self, so we found a box that lasted about five minutes, kept putting him back in. 7 n a half hours later he managed to lever himself on bed and immediately crashed out, by then we didnt care. we bought a heart beat thing for the next night but it doesnt matter what we put in there he attacks the bars so violently. He is getting that he doesnt like me out of his sight even though he has plenty of others wanting to love him. He will only sleep on the bed at night. I FEEL A TOTAL FAILURE  We have resolved for the time being to make crate a fun thing, any other tips?


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## Cat 53 (Aug 26, 2012)

Why do you feel a failure. He has lost the warmth and company of his siblings and is clever enough to realise that you are his family now. Where do puppy's sleep? With their families. He is doing you the honour of adopting you. He is telling you that's where he feels safe. I suggest you let him sleep on the your bed for now. At least you will all get some sleep. Put his crate in the place you want him to use it....if you decide you still want to use the crate, and during the day put a treat in the crate. Make it his den. When he feels secure he will stop wanting to be with you so much. But if I am honest Max is 6 months old and every time I get up to leave the room he comes too. But he just likes to see what I am up to. Enjoy. Your pup is bonding with you.


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## mandyrose (Jan 10, 2013)

Thank you so much for puting a positive side to it, those few words have made me feel a whole lot better, people around are all to quick to be negative. I have never used a crate before, I will see how it goes in weeks to come, what is the advantage if it just causes distress? He is in every other way a perfect, fiesty, mouthy, michevious boy x


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## Toffin (Aug 8, 2012)

Reminiscent of Lady and the Tramp  Lady whined, then she howled until she was let onto Jim Dear and Darling's bed...

Arlo sounds lovely, and it's wonderful that you've let him sleep where he's comfortable and feels secure.

Cockapoos really love company. Polly follows us around the house all the time during the day and evening. In the morning she loves nothing more than getting into bed with us and snuggling down in the warmth of slept-in sheets.

Toffin
x


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## DB1 (Jan 20, 2012)

If you can sleep ok with him on your bed and he is happy I see no problem. (reason it was a big no no for us was hubby's asthma, even with a low shedding dog we didn't want to take any risks). As long as you are firm enough during the rest of the time and he doesn't feel he can be the boss all day you'll be fine. If you feel the crate would be useful during the day, (especially if he turns out to be a big chewer and you want to protect your house), I would give him quite a few treats in it, even feed him in it, so that he feels positive about being in it. Oh and mine is 11 months and still follows me everywhere!!


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## wilfiboy (Sep 18, 2010)

If it works for you then go for it , it's like rules with children if it works and you get your sleep then who cares. Maybe he'll settle into a snuggy bed next to your bed in time. If you want him in a crate could you put it on a bedside table, blanket box or similar so that he's on a level with you, near you but not on your bed. It's early days. 
Mine still follow me around, they're both asleep now but if I move !!! When I have a bath later they'll both be laid there xx


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## Chumphreys (Oct 1, 2011)

We tried for a couple of hours with Malie and the crate.She hated it.We allowed her in our room where she chose either the floor or our bed.We have never had a problem with her wanting to be with us all the time.She takes herself off to other rooms to sleep in the day.We decided to give her free reign of the house as we were not keen on using the crate.Malie now chooses to stay down stairs on the door mat at night and doesn't bother us until she hears us.I think it is what ever works for you.I was getting myself in a fluster over trying to follow certain rules however everyone on here put me at ease and made me relies that there are no right or wrong ways,just the way that works for you 
XClare


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## MillieDog (Jun 1, 2011)

Millie sleeps on our bed, she's nearly 2 and fully grown, she doesn't take up too much room 

Millie will however, jump down if we get in her way ! and sleep on the floor or in her bed (which is just outside our door). 

Its early days, but where do you want him to sleep eventually. I ask, so you can get him his bed and put it where you want it to be, or leave it in your bedroom on the floor. To encourage him to use his bed and well as your bed, put a worn T-shirt of yours in his bed. He will want your smell to feel cosy.

Enjoy Arlo, looking forward to seeing some photos.


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## Marzi (Sep 17, 2012)

I would love to have a snuggly Kiki in bed with me - but the OH is a determined 'dogs should be downstairs' type. 
Kiki is fine in the kitchen, it is just me that would love to have my little cuddle pup on the bed!
So enjoy it while it lasts, I suspect once your pup gets a bit bigger and the weather hotter Arlo will migrate to the floor.
Love Toffin's comment about Lady!


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## tessybear (May 1, 2011)

I think cockapoos have their own set of rules! Mine both sleep on our bed. They are so content to sleep with us and are absolutely no trouble. They jump on the floor if they get too hot or squashed! Even my indifferent to dogs hubby tolerates them as they are very good at keeping out of his way. There is nothing like cockapoo cuddles in the morning!


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## mandyrose (Jan 10, 2013)

*If i am soft I am in very good company, Thank You all*

Thank you so much for all the replies, it has made me feel so much better, isnt it funny how you can let other peoples views sometimes cloud your own mind. I want a dog that is part of our family not something to pick up and not bother with when and where it suits. Not that I am saying crates are wrong because my sons and my sisters dogs love theirs, I will just play it by ear.
Sounds like I will have many happy years ahead being followed! Arlo is so intelligent, but I will try and be pack leader!
THANK YOU x


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## Cockapoomummy2be (Jan 1, 2013)

have you tried putting a quilt over the top of the crate to make it more like a den?

or 

you could try when he is tired in the afternoon to put him in the crate when he comes out give him a treat when he wakes up.

or

throwing a treat in for him to fetch it, then when he comes out throw another one (almost like a game)

or

try putting him in the crate for a minute with door closed, then when he comes out use maybe a clicker and treat after this leave door closed and walk out of the room for 1 second, then on returning give him a treat so he knows you will come back.


these are just a few things i used to do with toby


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## wilfiboy (Sep 18, 2010)

I'd click/ treat make a fuss etc when he goes in otherwise you are rewarding coming out of the crate. When he comes out I'd play it calm and quite for a coupe of minutes x


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## Very muddy (Jun 8, 2012)

I'd love our pupster to sleep in our room but like Marzi my husband is also a 'dog in the kitchen' kind of guy. I did find he had been sneaked upstairs earlier by my daughter and was hidden in her bed and they both looked very comfy.

I'd go with your instincts and what works both for you. I too think they need to be cut a bit of slack when they are tiny as they're just babies. X


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## NikkiB (Jan 16, 2013)

I tried the crate for the first night, within half an hour i had bought him upstairs in a pupy pen by the side of my bed so i could keep putting my arm in to reassure him. This worked for a few weeks until he was big enough to jump out and now he sleeps at the bottom of our bed or on the floor if he gets too hot.
We love it this way! He is 4 and half months now. There is nothing funnier than waking up and seeing Samson sprawled out on his back looking very comfy. I get up once in night to let him out when i hear him getting restless. We also have lovely lie-ins as he is with us we don't have to get up to him. Half nine last Saturday - bliss!!!!!!
It seems to be all the people who i talk to who tell me i'm doing wrong and i shouldn't have started that bad habit!!!  As long as you are happy with where your puppy is sleeping then that is all that matters. It is personal preference. There are no rules.


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## DB1 (Jan 20, 2012)

Agree it is down to what people think - My hubby wouldn't have Dudley upstairs but if it was just me and my son we definitely would - my son has one of those hi sleeper beds and would like Dudley's bed to be under it. We followed all the 'pack leader' advice stuff - most of the behaviour experts say that the less you fuss a dog and ignore it the more relaxed they are as they are totally confident with you being the leader and don't have to worry - but - I do wonder sometimes if the early tough love has actually done the opposite, as Dudley can have some quite anxious behaviours at home (mixed with totally loopy confidence - bit schizophrenic!),would be interesting to know if the pups who have slept with their owners from night one are generally more or less confident. Dudley did settle in his crate really well - no crying in the night after the first night.


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## tessybear (May 1, 2011)

Well my dogs have certainly been pretty much indulged and fussed over from day 1 and they sleep in my room. They are perfectly relaxed about me leaving them as I work every day and they go cheerfully to daycare once a week as well. They love to follow me around the house but equally they go happily off to kennels and I don't worry about them. I have also never take their bones away from them and they never have problems with a guarding issue. 
I might add they are not perfect in any way and are quite naughty about jumping up (my fault I admit ) but as for being self sufficient and confident they are certainly both. I never went down the tough love route but I have not found I needed to, partly because my children have grown up and left home. When I had 3 young children and a new puppy I didn't want a dog sleeping on my bed as I was trying to stop my children coming in at the time!


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## Chumphreys (Oct 1, 2011)

We too have never gone down the tough love route.Malie has always had free reign of the house both up and down and although prefers to be where we are she will happily stay downstairs if we go up,will happily stay for up to 4 hours on her own and now chooses sleeping downstairs,over sleeping with us 
XClare


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## Kody&Beau (Aug 18, 2012)

My two have always sleeped on our bed too, kody was as young as 12 weeks and he was fine, no accidents thankfully. I love the weekend lay ins my two they will get up only when we do they do love a big cuddle in the mornings and last thing at night. I have no regrets with them sleeping on our bed you have to do what feels right for you. X


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## Cat 53 (Aug 26, 2012)

Same here. We have not used tough love on any if Lourdes dogs since 1997 when we had Emma as a puppy. They have all had free rein of the house and they have all been happy, loving, confident little dogs. Happy to go into kennels, happy to bemleft alone in the house, or car. Loving with children. No guarding issues, so I would say 'NO' to tough love. Think tough love only works for addictsnand delinquents, definitely not for babies and puppies. IMO


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## Cat 53 (Aug 26, 2012)

Lourdes should read our. Heavens above!


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## Pollypiglet (Oct 22, 2011)

Both mine sleep with me, can be a bit of a squeeze even in a 5ft bed especialy as Minton likes to have his head on my shoulder! They will stay in their crates when I go out and they both spent their first few weeks with me in their crates just until I was fairly confident there wouldn't be any accidents, but their crates were beside my bed. They are people dogs thats why we have them.


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## Mclisa (Dec 26, 2012)

We didnt do tough love either although we did intend to but we got lucky with Charlie. We got Charlie on Christmas Eve and for his first 4 nights with us the poor mite was in 4 different homes due to all the visiting we had to do so he stayed with us in whatever room we were in, in his crate by the bed and I just stuck my arm out to let him know I was there. By the time we got home to our own home he was exhausted from all the constant attention that he happily went into the crate in the kitchen by himself. He did whine for a few minutes but settled quickly and has been that way since. He's a lot more independent than any puppy we had before where we put them alone in kitchen from day one but equally if we are about he will sleep up on the couch with us rather than go to his bed he just loves being next to us and follows me everywhere...even the loo!

I think it's so hard to know what's wrong or right they are all so different you just have to go with what's best for you!


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