# Have I Made a Mistake?



## Peimartin (Apr 21, 2017)

So this may be long, my apologies.
I'm a researcher, it's what I do. So when my son's doctor recommended we look into getting a dog to help with his anxieties, I researched. I had a list of requirements (not a big dog but definitely a no to small breed dogs, also a non-shedding dog preferred, my son would like do to agility training, etc) and so I spent quite a bit of time and we settled on either an aussiedoodle (3/4 poodle, 1/4 aussie) or a cockapoo. I found breeders that came highly recommended. Due to size, I decided on the cockapoo.

Our puppy has been born but I've yet to exchange money. I decided to look up collar sizes to buy and this forum popped up. And I've read quite a few alarming things about aggression and biting, that I wonder if we've made a mistake on this breed?

A bit of background on us to help, I work evenings and my husband works days so puppy wouldn't be home alone much (perhaps an hour or so a day). We have 2 children,my son who will be 10 and my daughter is 7. My kids are timid around dogs although owning a dog has been my son's greatest wish (he cheered when his doctor recommended a dog). My husband and I have owned a dog previously. Maggie was a tall, thin Shepherd mix. We got her when she was 4 months and I immediately enrolled in obedience training (correction and positive reinforcement), she struggled with it but we worked hard and it all clicked in the end. Except recall at the dog park as other doggy playmates were the ultimate treat to her. All in all, she was sweet and SUPER gentle. We are huge believers of training (we'll probably do treat/positive training this time) but I'm worried that all my research on cockapoos is incorrect. That they are far more high energy than I'm expecting and a bit more defiant than I was hoping for. Before I give the money, should I reconsider this breed? I do need a dog that enjoys training, that could handle a bit of nervousness from my daughter, that could do agility training, and also perhaps be considered a therapy dog in the future. The decision to get a dog has not come lightly so I would appreciate any replies. Thanks for sticking with this long-winded post.


----------



## 2ndhandgal (Aug 29, 2011)

Well done for doing your research  

Many of the threads about biting and agression are puppy owners who find the pups full on. They are often proper live wires and can be very full on bitey pups - but in all honesty from doing puppy classes for years most pups are and many owners find this stage really hard. Your children are probably both going to find this hard so worth having a discussion now about that and prepare for the adults to do lots of management of interactions between them to help your children cope. This will be the same for any pup though not just a cockapoo - my collie/Lab cross was named "Fang" by one of my friends as a pup as she was rather bitey. 

As far as actual aggression goes the most frequent problem for cockapoos is resource guarding. It is worth being well aware of this as a possible trait of cocker spaniels and making sure your pup is raised well, left undisturbed when eating and learns to give items up without having them constantly taken off them which can result in guarding. My girl Molly is one who was rehomed at 17 months for aggression. She had too many things taken off her in her first home and learned to guard anything she valued which made her very stressed and worried. With sensible rules and boundaries and feeling secure in a quiet house she is very much a reformed character these days. Resource guarding is a form of insecurity so handled calmly and positively can easily be avoided. Going in with an "I am the boss" attitude will almost certainly make it worse - but many cockapoos have never dreamed of guarding anything in their lives and if you raise a puppy with the awareness of this and take steps to train your dog positively yours should be fine.

I would suggest researching some positive reward based puppy classes and get your pup booked in now. 

Comparing Molly with your checklist:

Enjoys training - yes absolutely, she loves to learn 
Handles nervousness from your daughter - yes she is sensitve to people
Agility training - she would love it, but joint problems rule it out for us
Therapy dog - a big ask of any dog, however Molly has done a bit of hospital visiting for a seriously ill friend and was fantastic


----------



## Clemmy (May 31, 2016)

Hi, 

I've also been reading about the biting and thinking that I was lucky my cockapoo, Clemmy, didn't seem to go through that phase at all (I got her at 3 months, so slightly older puppy).

However, from what I'm reading this is just a puppy phase, caused by teething and/or excitement, rather than aggression.

Clemmy (toy x english show) did have a mad puppy stage - she would charge around the house and garden barking for about half an hour every night, which was hilarious! She had an obsession with certain shoes, and went through a digging the lawn phase. I think most puppies do "naughty" things, no matter what breed (my older LabGSDx chewed a lot of furniture, something Clemmy never did) But I think there's something particularly 'busy' about the cockapoo character that's endearing, but can also be a bit much in the early months 

Clemmy's just turned two and has gradually steadied (although is still obsessed with my slippers which she loves to grab and deposit in the garden -  )

The really chanllenging thing that i found was that she was a 'velcro' dog. She wanted to be near me all the time, and didn't like her crate (and she was really determined about it - I wouldn't call it defiance as such, it just made her really unhappy, and she never really accepted it) She's calmed down about that too (mostly because I just gave up, ditched the crate, and let her sleep at the foot of the bed, where she's perfectly content and no trouble!) It sounds like you won't have to leave your pup for too long during the day, I think an hour or so sounds fine. I can leave Clemmy for longer than that now).

She's a real cuddler (much more than my LabGSDx) which is very comforting, and would probably be very helpful for your son. She loves to snuggle-up with both of my children, but she is particularly attached to me, so that's worth being aware of - I did read somewhere that they do tend to attach particularly strongly to one person.

From my experience I think cockapoos are a wonderful choice for a family dog, and they don't all go through a nipping stage, but even if they do, it doesn't last for too long, hopefully!


----------



## HenryPup27 (Sep 28, 2016)

Your headline, 'Have I made a mistake' made me a bit sad, then reading your post made me even more sad  Our Henry is 14 months old - half working cocker spaniel and half miniature poodle and he is the most wonderful natured dog you could ever wish for. He's my first dog, but my partner grew up with all kinds of dogs on both sides of his family so Henry is something like the 25th he's owned/lived with/been around and he says that Henry is vastly different from all the rest in all manner of positive ways. He's friendly, affectionate, loving, intelligent, polite and really has the most amazingly cheeky sense of humour. Obviously we have no idea whether this is down to good breeding, good training, lots of attention/affection and positive reinforcement or a happy mixture of all of those (probably!) but we are so in love with and in awe of him it's not even funny!

I think what you also have to bear in mind about these forums is that often people come here to ask about difficulties and to seek advice. Perhaps less people come on here to broadcast how wonderful their cockapoo is. So keep that in mind. I agree absolutely 100% with the other posters on this subject, puppies are puppies no matter what kind, they all go through the same stages but they don't last long and even less so when handled correctly. I also love to research EVERYTHING so that's good that you do, keep doing that. We have a 10 year old house cat so I was nervous about how they would get on, but with the proper research and process in place, it worked perfectly and they adore each other. Henry wouldn't dream of resource guarding anything (we take a lot of things away from puppies naturally because they like to steal things and hoover up random things outside like tissues!so always have a treat or toy handy to swap) and we have never seen one flicker of aggression in him ever. He's obsessed with the ball and is in the latter stages of flyball training at the moment which he loves and is really good at. I hope that helps, I could go on all night about how wonderful he is (and others we have met are just the same) but ultimately the commitment to a new puppy is a big one that requires a lot of work, time and forethought. Yesterday was Henry's first anniversary of coming home and we were watching some videos we had of him as a tiny puppy - much as he was cute and adorable, I am glad that we are on this side of his development because it was certainly full on (what puppies aren't), but my god it was worth the effort 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Lindor (Feb 3, 2014)

I thought I made a mistake too after reading about cockapoos resource guarding and biting but Maggie is the most affectionate, gentle little girl. She loves everyone from small children to scruffy bearded men wearing sunglasses, a baseball hat and walking with a cane and loves to learn new things. Last year I registered her with the Canadian Kennel Club and showed her in Rally Obedience. She earned her Rally Novice title with great scores and has one leg towards her Intermediate Rally title as well as one leg towards her Obedience CD title.


----------



## Lexi&Beemer (May 5, 2013)

I read your subject line and thought to myself that was why I found my way to the forum but for a different reason. I decided to get littermates and I thought I would have to give one up because I swore that Beemer was trying to kill Lexi at 10 weeks. Clearly that was not the case and both are still with me at 4+ years old (almost 4 years to my gotcha date). And I can't imagine my life without either. But it wasn't easy and not just because there were two - though that didn't help matters. 

At this point, they are pretty great. Though Beemer is still not a fan of men who are bald or wear caps or young kids. But Lexi will love on anyone who will love on her (aka rub her belly) and feed her treats, though she gets very pushy with that. I once video taped them when I left them alone and had left them treats and what happened was that when I was home Lexi was the boss but when I left Beemer resource guarded everything. So I just took all of the things away the next time and they were fine. From early on because they got into so many things, my hands were taking things out of their mouths on a regular basis so I think Beemer made a growling sound to me once but never again. He does warn off others (dogs and people) to not mess with him or his stuff and he's ok even if you take it later. Just not when he's using it. They both have their personalities and in some ways I think each would make amazing therapy dogs but in others, they'd each not be good as a therapy dog. 

One of the things for you to consider is the characteristics someone described as their Velcro dog behaviors. They attach to someone and stick like glue at times. Sometimes it's the unintended person - that is a wife picks out the pup for her and the poo becomes attached to the husband or vice versa. If it's important that the dog be attached to your son, then maybe take your son with you when you meet the pups and see which one he bonds with. And to also make sure your son is the one who does the feeding and taking for walks and training. That is try to take steps to make sure your son is your poo's person. My poos really help me with my stress and I can even watch them sleep and they make me happy. So I'm not one to discourage. But I do think knowing what you are getting into is important too. 

Oh as for energy level. Beemer has always had more than Lexi. He'd run around her twice and keep going. He still requires more running around than she does, though thankfully not the hours when they were puppies but at least 45min-1 hr a day. 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Lexi&Beemer (May 5, 2013)

Lindor said:


> I thought I made a mistake too after reading about cockapoos resource guarding and biting but Maggie is the most affectionate, gentle little girl. She loves everyone from small children to scruffy bearded men wearing sunglasses, a baseball hat and walking with a cane and loves to learn new things. Last year I registered her with the Canadian Kennel Club and showed her in Rally Obedience. She earned her Rally Novice title with great scores and has one leg towards her Intermediate Rally title as well as one leg towards her Obedience CD title.




Barb - you know Lexi and Beemer - well at least their mama aspires for Lexi and Beemer to be more like Miss Maggie. 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## cfriend (Dec 22, 2016)

Hi it seems you have already gotten some great responses and I can only agree with everything that has been said. 
Puppies will be puppies, they will all go through a biting stage. There are many books you can read on how to manage puppies and children. 
I personally (now 23 years old) got my (or our) first puppy when I was 5, also a cockapoo, and I can honestly say that having a puppy was probably one of the best things about my childhood. She was a constant source of amusement and affection and as cliche as it sounds she was my best friend. I now got another cockapoo puppy 4 months ago (also in part for my anxiety) and although she is currently still a bit nippy when excited I am always amazed at how in tune she was her surroundings. For example we constantly get asked on the street if she can be pet because she is so fluffy and always when small children are involved she is absolutely calm and I swear its because she understands that they are fragile. 
Really cockapoos are amazing dogs and I've personally never heard of true aggression issues unless some form of mistreatment or trauma is involved. 
And if you are still worried, possibly you could also talk to your breeder and she can help you pick a calmer pup (but not shy) from the litter. Although this isn't fools proof as puppies develop really quickly.


----------



## HenryPup27 (Sep 28, 2016)

Absolutely and totally agree with this, especially the second to last paragraph. All dogs have the potential to have fear aggression in certain circumstances if something they encounter isn't handled correctly at the outset.

Henry went through a short stage during the winter of getting a bit upset if there was a man walking towards us on their own if they were wearing black coats with their hoods up or hat & scarf covering their face. To me this was understandable because apparently dogs can't see black very well and to him he wasn't entirely comfortable with a shadowy figure coming towards me and him (he didn't do it when we were out with my boyfriend). I totally understood that if he couldn't see their face and gauge their expression then he would be wary. We fixed it during just one walk - when someone that fitted that description appeared in the distance coming towards us, I would take Henry to one side, make him stop, face me and sit down, then feed him treats until the person had walked past. After a couple of times repeating this on the same walk, he was never worried again. I changed the association of the dark shadowy figure to a positive one. I even had one of the men give Henry some treats himself! Worked beautifully. Ultimately Henry just wants to say hello to everyone that we pass, which can be a problem in itself if we're trying to get anywhere fast! He will look at their faces as they approach to see if they look at him with a view to stroking him or petting him. If they show a flicker of interest he goes into full 'look how cute I am' mode with nose to tail wagging! He's such a flirt! If they ignore him then he takes the hint and we just walk on past. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Marzi (Sep 17, 2012)

Good post - great responses.

Cockpoos are smart, active, empathetic dogs who love to be with their people and enjoy learning new things. Actually I'd say the same was true for most dogs given the right upbringing and good reward based training!

Great that your son is keen - it will be really important for him to take a big role in care, exercise and training to build that bond with the dog.... this may be tough for you as you might like that role! In my experience although my dogs love everybody in the family, they are unequivocally my dogs. Kiki (cavapoo) was very much my daughter's dog when we got her and Liz was 9... however in the last 18 months or so (Liz is 14 now) is so busy with other interests that she no longer does training or regular walking or just playing with her in the same way that she did when she was younger and Kiki has therefore changed her allegiance to me. This is also something for you to consider... A dog you get now may well still be a part of your family in 12 to 15 years time.

The photos show Liz with Kiki and a couple with Dot Kiki was very much Liz's dog because Liz did everything with her... Kiki is 75%mini poodle 15% cavalier.... but actually very very similar in temperament and looks to a cockapoo... 

Keep posting I would love to hear how your adventure develops


----------



## fairlie (Sep 7, 2013)

Good for you for doing your research! A cockapoo will be a fine choice because you are not dog newbies, your children are old enough to help and you'll all know what to expect and how to handle the tough bits which only last a short time.

Cockapoos will fall anywhere on the spectrum from pure poodle to half/half to pure cocker. So maybe research each breed separately and see if you could live with it if that is the outcome? My Rufus is very poodley, extremely smart and requiring more mental stimulation than most dogs. As a pup he learned quickly that if he misbehaved the outcome would be a redirect which meant a treat. You could label it defiant or just cunning/brilliant. Because I worked with special needs kids I was fanatic about his training and socialization and it paid off in spades. He is now a friendly, affectionate, well behaved, joyful little clown. 

You might find some tips for how to help the dog to bond with your son from places that train dogs for autistic kids and such, I'm not sure what all the rules are but I do know that sleeping with your son will be one of them (probably in a crate at first). 

I can't think of a better project than a cockapoo puppy for a families health, happiness and well being.


----------



## Peimartin (Apr 21, 2017)

Hi, just wanted to update and thank you all for your responses. After having done more research, I decided to go ahead with our little puppy. She won't be picked up til the end of the month but I'm doing my best to lay the groundwork so that the transition will go as smoothly as it can (I am not in a delusional state that things will go smooth, just that we have rules and realistic expectations of us and our new puppy). This is a lifestyle change for our family but I do believe it will be for the better. I'll keep you posted and perhaps post a pic (when I learn how) when she arrives. Thanks again for all your thoughtful responses!


----------

