# Clingy puppy getting overtired - tips and reassurance needed!



## CrispyCee (Mar 2, 2015)

Hi there,

First time poster, but definitely not a new topic. However, I think I've tried everything so if you like a challenge read on and let me know if you have any suggestions! Or just reassurance

Short version: clingy puppy can't be out of view of us. Long version below.

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A week and a half ago we brought home our first dog, Betsy, a 12 week old F2 cockapoo from a lovely private family who let their two cockapoos have a one off litter. She was raised with mum and dad for ten weeks. She's smart, cuddly. We have gotten into a great routine, including a 15 minute walk in the woods everyday, plus a 5 minute walk round the block at 7am and 7pm. She's doing great with toilet training and basic commands and starts puppy classes this Friday. She has all the usual puppy traits, pulling, chewing, zoomies - but we're taking it in our stride.

So what's the problem? Firstly, CLINGINESS. If she can't see us she howls. Even if she is in the bathroom with me, she screams the house down when I get in the shower. Now don't get me wrong, we're happy with a velcro dog. My husband and I work from home, we don't have any kids, so we were looking for a companion dog to come with us wherever we go. But I'm struggling to go to the toilet or put the washing away. She doesn't seem to settle, and even wakes up from sleeping to follow us. We're exhausted (I haven't left the house for ten days other than to walk her) and she seems to be getting stressed, biting her tail and circling. More zoomies, biting and barking have occurred. Second problem, she won't settle in her crate at night. No matter what we try she doesn't seem happy in there, she tolerates it at nighttime but that's it. Here is what I've tried so far:

*Building up time away* - she just howls. I struggling to find a gap where she is quiet so I can return and praise.
*Keeping arrivals and departures low key* - she bounces all over us no matter what we do. 
*Giving her a frozen kong or activity toy* - works for five mins.
*300 peck clicker method* - works in isolation built up to 15 seconds, but doesn't work in natural situations
*Letting her cry it out in the crate* - after the fourth night we moved the crate to the bedroom
*Having the crate in the bedroom* - if we aren't physically by the crate she continues to whine and whimper for hours on end.
*Sleeping on the floor with fingers through the bars* - works, but not sustainable to my relationship or my back!
*T-shirt of mine*
*Ticking clock*
*Warm snuggle toy*
*Blanket with her mum's scent*
*Adaptil diffuser* - worked for two days, but seems to be wearing off
*Daily exercise* - no matter how tired she is she stays awake almost as if she's worried we'll sneak off.
*Crate training* - using clicker and special treats
*Meals in the crate*

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I've had puppies growing up and I don't remember it being so tough (selective memory). I dream of the days I could have a bath or do some yoga. My ultimate fantasy is an hour or two to go for a meal or the cinema. We have no family or friends nearby who can help out.

So, have I missed something? Or is it just a matter of time and patience?

Cheers in advance,
Chrissy


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## Marzi (Sep 17, 2012)

Betsy (great name) sounds as if she is doing really well in many areas and she is ever so new to you. For the first 10+ weeks of her life she has lived in a family environment with multiple other dogs... she has a lot to get used to.
She is also part poodle (very, very bright breed of dog) and boy do they know how to control their world 
My feeling is that you need to take several deep breaths decide which approach you are going to use and then use it.
When pups come home at 8 weeks they are still in that I need to sleep 18-20 hours a day, I personally think that this helps them to settle in their new home. At 12 plus weeks pup does not need as much sleep, although is tired and can get over tired...
Betsy is in a routine with you, which is great. Exercise, food and toilet opportunities are all going like clockwork, well done you. Brilliant.
She has learnt in the last week and a half that screeching gets you close to her....
I would check with the breeder about where and how Betsy slept when with them. Was she crate trained there, or is that new to her too.
Personally I think that pups do need to be able to settle and it is not always practical to be with them. If it was me I would set a clock and tough it out, hoover, have a shower, pop out to the shop - regularly every day same time for half an hour. Betsy is safe in her crate. When you get back - if you can't hear her - pat yourself on the back. If she is creating let her out take her out for a wee and ignore her until you call her to you and when she comes praise and be perfectly normal. Build the time up slowly. She will learn, she is a baby and this is a good time to teach her.
I'd love to see a picture of noisy Betsy


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## CrispyCee (Mar 2, 2015)

Hi Marzi,

Thanks so much for the reply. (We named after Betws-Y-Coed in Wales, where we saw a cockapoo for the first time).

Deep breaths, calm blue oceans, in and out! I really appreciate the advice, particularly the tip about her needing less sleep. We're like nervous new parents, assuming something is wrong at every turn. 

I will try setting a timer for 30 mins and see how we go leaving her at the same time for the next few days. Its got to be worth a try.

Her sleeping arrangement before we got her was to snuggle up with Mum or Dad, until they nudged her out of their bed. Previous owners did attempt crate training, but she was so quick to follow Mum and Dad out the dog flap to do her business they didn't feel they needed her crated.


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## Marzi (Sep 17, 2012)

Is it necessary that Betsy is crated?
I never used a crate with Inzi or Kiki - they just had a comfy bed in the kitchen and a baby gate across the door. 
I seem to remember that the Popster hated her crate and when they ditched the crate she settled better, but I might be wrong about that.
Betsy will get there, honestly she will - calm blue oceans will help you.
Alternatively you could always get another dog for Betsy to snuggle up with


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## CrispyCee (Mar 2, 2015)

Oh my gawd, the thought of another puppy at this stage.... I'm not that brave!!! Haha!

We decided to go with the crate, as part of toilet training, based on the "she won't pee in her bed" theory. It seems to be working now, although she had a few accidents in it the first week. One of the issues was that I cleaned the crate with special pet urine cleaner, and that night she went mental. I think it got rid of all the comforting smells and she hasn't forgiven the crate since.

If I let her sleep in a bed in the bedroom I'm worried she'd pee on our carpet. Is it worth risking it?

Ideally we'd like to gradually moved the crate downstairs. First step would be just to be able to sleep in my bed rather than on the floor next to her.


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## Cat 53 (Aug 26, 2012)

I hate crates.....so forgive me if I'm a bit harsh but poor little mite has enjoyed snuggling with her Mum and Dad then she comes to you and not only is she in a totally new environment, but she is imprisoned alone at night! I,d howl too, believe me. These little dogs are real social beings and if they can't be with another dog then you have to step up to the plate and be their comfort, their companion, their soul mate. At the moment she needs you for EVERYTHING, but especially for security. So be there for her. In time she will find her own place to wait whilst you shower, do yoga or whatever, but right now, cater to her needs. She's worth it.


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## CrispyCee (Mar 2, 2015)

Thanks Cat for the reassurance. She actually doesn't mind the crate, its the being alone that worries her. As long as I'm by her crate she's happy in their That's why I'm sleeping on a mattress on the floor next to her. Like you say, she is totally worth it. 

I'm just wondering if other people experienced their pups getting so distressed when being alone for a few seconds? And does it improve with age? I really am doing my best to give her everything I can, but I'm not sure what to do when I'm showering. Should I just let her howl? I can't let her in the shower with me as the shampoo is bad for her.


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## fairlie (Sep 7, 2013)

They are social little dogs and there have been several posts here about separation anxiety. I'm not sure how it arises exactly? Does an already anxious dog get left behind and make the condition worse? Could a confident dog pick up on its owners anxieties and grow to be anxious? I don't really get it but my Rufus definitely prefers to be with us even though he is full of confidence. Leaving him was never a problem because we never made any deal about it, we just left and expected him to cope. That is what mother cows do when they leave their calves hidden in tall grass so they can go to drink. I'd just be matter of fact about it rather than turning it into an issue. On the other hand Rufus has cat siblings to keep him company. Would you consider a kitten?


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## CrispyCee (Mar 2, 2015)

Yes, there is sooo much information about separation anxiety including some great threads on here. Some of it is quite contradictory, ranging from "let them cry it out" to "their just a baby, stay by their side". I'm trying to strike a balance. I think my fear of letting her down is making her anxious, combined with the usual puppy exhaustion.

A cat? EEEk! We lost our lovely cat Jess last year, but have taken it as an opportunity to go get our long awaited dog, so that we can take our pet camping and on our days out rather than left at home all day. Not sure I can handle any more furry friends for the time being! Knowing my luck, the cat would come with its own problems and I'd start tearing my hair out.


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## fairlie (Sep 7, 2013)

But if you get a kitten they'll be fast friends for life, your separation problems will be over and cats *hate* camping so you can leave it behind.


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## CrispyCee (Mar 2, 2015)

Haha, I think I'll wait and see with this puppy thing first! Although bringing a cat camping could be fun.


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## Toffin (Aug 8, 2012)

Hi CrispyCee

Our Polly was just like this to start with! She was 10 weeks old when she came home and I spent weeks and weeks with her stuck by my side the whole time. Because it was October and she had to go out to perform her ablutions and I didn't want the whole house with dirt tracked through, the kitchen became our home for about 2 months. I was utterly exhausted and vividly remember falling asleep at the kitchen table one afternoon.

But gradually her need to be stuck to us became less and less, and I'm able to go out each day for a run (usually very early in the morning whilst she's still snoozing), also I can work from home without her climbing up on my knee the whole time. We can leave her for up to 3 hours when we go out for choir practice, etc. and I'm sure she just settles down to sleep until we get back. She still likes to be close - curled up on her very own chair next to mine or cuddled up on the sofa in the evening - but she's quite independent really and goes off to another room or into the garden on her own.

The really good thing about cockapoos' need for human companionship and their very close bond with their owner is that they don't stray far away when out off the lead. P always has to be able to see us and rarely goes further than 20 yards away in any direction. She loves sniffing undergrowth but usually just trots along close to us and is always watching to make sure we're there near her.

We very much let her set the pace at the beginning and I'm sure this has really paid off now. They're little for such a short time and they must miss their mummy and litter mates so much as they're thrown into a completely alien environment with strange smells and people they don't know.

Do hope you enjoy this precious time with your little pup.

Toffin
x


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## CrispyCee (Mar 2, 2015)

Hi Toffin,

Thank you so much for sharing you experience with Polly. It is such a relief to know that you've been through something very very similar and it gradually improved. As you say, being stuck in the kitchen isn't always the best (I'm stood in mine as I type this whilst the evening zoomies play out!). 

I'm so glad that Polly has grown into such a lovely dog. Three hours would be plenty for us to leave our Betsy alone for. As for runs, I'm hoping I can take her with me, as 5k-8k is my limit!

Re: off-lead walking, I've been walking her on a long training lead and she does stay so close its very tempting to just unclip her. I'm going to play it safe and wait until we've got a stronger recall going just in case.

BTW, my Mum has a gorgeous guide dog named Polly, nicknamed Polly Perfect because she is such a good girl. Must be something in the name! 

We are definitely enjoying her puppyhood, and your reassuring words have made it all the more enjoyable, knowing there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Cee


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## fairlie (Sep 7, 2013)

Young pups have a natural instinct to follow you. If you don't unclip the lead and teach her that she follows you, not vice versa, you'll miss this incredibly important window. Take her someplace safe from any traffic. Ideal is a woodland trail where you can see dogs approaching and clip her lead back on until you are sure they love puppies. Don't call her, just walk, change directions and give her plenty of praise when she comes in to check on you.


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## CrispyCee (Mar 2, 2015)

Thanks Fairlie, I really appreciated the advice and I am very tempted. But I'm just too worried about the risk of her running off and getting lost. At the moment, I don't know if the sight of a rabbit or the smell of a juicy steak will in the moment overpower her natural instinct to stick close by, and she could easily dash off. But as soon as I'm confident she'll come back when called, I'll be letting her off.


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