# I'm at the end of my tether



## Nia'smum (Feb 13, 2015)

Im sitting here in tears thinking what on earth have we done our house has been turned upside down in the last 10weeks and I can't see it getting better anytime soon.....
As some of you might recall Buddy is quite a handful and def a dominant puppy he snapped bit and growled at my son at 11 weeks. He still is nippy and biting, we go to trainer and the trainer has done 1:1 with us at home as he was terrorising the kids by jumping up on sofa biting etc. since we have had a complete sofa ban it's helped we were to ignore the jumping up and keep walking thru it, that helped. She gave some strategys for dealing with unwanted behaviour timeout etc about posture signals for us to use. All was going ok till this last week everything is going backwards again he is now 18wks now. He is left a couple days a week while we are at work and I have a puppy sitter come for 2/3 hrs in the day. But looked at doggy day care as a long term solution 6-8 days per month and he was due to start next week I thought being around other dogs would help....
Today at puppy classes the puppies are not allowed off the lead to socialise together but we all do the exercises together so they are in the company of others. And we have been taught what to do if the try to lunge at each other ( turn and walk in other direction and some positive reinforcement of looking at us rather Than the other dog ) anyway the trainer own dog was brought in to demonstrate something and the puppies got excited by this etc Hudson the dog ( big setter type dog) walked over the the dogs for a sniff very friendly dog completely nonplussed by the puppies. Buddy went made lunging at him trying to jump up I tried to pull him away etc any way the trainer took buddy to show what to do etc and Buddy properly went for Hudson trying to bite him  trainer had it all under control and removed buddy and her dog did not react at all!!! 
I just feel I can't trust this dog, the trainer said I should rethink doggy daycare as "Buddy has no respect yet or manners and could get hurt himself there and that in turn could make his boisterous ness worse" and after seeing him im inclined to agree. She recommends the op at 6mths for him to see if it helps and she said that if not improvement in his behaviour in next couple of weeks then use if pet corrector methods which she said she doesn't usually support but buddy is not improving.... Sorry it's a long post I just feel a failure and that can't see and end in sight... It wasn't suppose to be like this 


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## Janey153 (Mar 26, 2015)

Oh dear, that does sound ghastly. I would continue with the 1-1 trainer as she can see him in action. Barney was dreadful in a training class and we left after 2 or 3 sessions as he was unbearable and I'd end up in tears, and swearing at Barney (not regarded as useful, for some reason  He was a pain and I felt a failure too. But Buddy is still young _and all this will pass_ - as I kept reminding myself and in general, it has - and you aren't a failure; puppies are difficult at times! 

(Maybe a behaviourist would be useful instead of the trainer?)


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## Nia'smum (Feb 13, 2015)

I have to say that's the 1st time he has been like that in class he is a smart dog and he normally does everything he is suppose to fine and I'm not worried about his behaviour. But today he was trying to lunge at the other dogs and barking etc but with distraction was fine ish but when the big dog came in he was determined to get to him and then turned was trying to bite him etc. I can't knowingly take him to day care now with seeing him behave like that with another dog!!! 


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## Janey153 (Mar 26, 2015)

No perhaps day care is not appropriate right now, but hopefully with some retraining, he'll be great.


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## Nia'smum (Feb 13, 2015)

Ive looked online this afternoon at Dog behaviourist and found someone called Vicky Kelly in Essex near me and she uses the Jan Fennell method it looks positive lots of positive reviews online etc Does anyone have any thoughts on this method of dog training it £200 for 3-4hrs in your home and 1:1 support afterwards.


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## beekeeper (May 3, 2015)

Nia's mum, I used a Jan Fennell affiliated trainer for my JRT who was quite similar to Buddy in his behaviour. She was absolutely brilliant. Her mantra was "calm, convincing, consistent" and I was none of those things when I sought her help. She came one Sunday afternoon and stayed for four hours. She offered free telephone or email support for the lifetime of the dog (and boy did I use this!). Her methods really made sense to me but you do have to really stick with it for it to work.

Very sadly, just as my little man was getting there, he was hit by a motocross bike while we were out walking and killed. It still makes me cry just to type that and it happened back in April! But I guess that's a whole other thread!

Anyway, I highly recommend this type of training, although there are many people who do not agree with Jan Fennell's philosophy. The trainer I used is called Lucy Parkes and her website is Dogs in Translation. I live on the Suffolk-Norfplk border.


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## Janey153 (Mar 26, 2015)

Oh that's so sad  April isnt that long away, I'm not surprised you feel tearful. I still feel sad about my lovely yorkie who died 16 years ago. 
:hug:


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## dmgalley (Aug 19, 2012)

Do you use a crate? Does he get lots of exercise? Mental and physical? Has he been around many other dogs? Socialization takes a while esp for a bossy puppy who is running his house hold. 
The crate is good because puppies need rest and don't always know enough to do it. It also lets him know you are in charge. When you say nap it's nap time. 
Lily is a little over three months and she goes on biting frenzies to the point her eyes roll back but she us my fourth poo so I know it is a combo of teething and the fact that dogs bite each other when they play and they rely on the other dog to let them know how much is too much.
I always have something near by to switch her on to like a bully stick. Some dogs are more mouthy than others but the basic principle is the same.
Also he may feel the need to protect you around others or at least he feels your nervousness and reacts to it.
He last thing he needs is to be kept away from other dogs. He needs dogs to teach him manners.
Finally all trainers are different. I've been to some good and some bad. If I Ted correctly after he let you know he was uncomfortable your trainer put him right back in the same situation forcing him to react. They should have used a different puppy and given yours a chance to meet a puppy where he could be successful. Not all dogs will like each other.


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## Nia'smum (Feb 13, 2015)

Hi he is crated overnight takes himself in about 9.30pm - 7am toilet trained. In the day he has his crate open rarely goes in but has a pen for quiet time, naps and when we are out. We work but have had a puppy walker approx 6-8 a month she comes for 3 hrs a day these are on the days either my husband is on nights so he can sleep or we are both out the house at work. We've done puppy classes since 12 weeks he sees dogs there but not off lead other than that it's dogs on walks has 2 a day 30mins each. My husband will have him off lead around other dogs I won't by myself, he normally sits as they approach then gets up goes nose to nose sniffs them then try's to play I normally at that point have him in the lead and try to get him to walk on. We don't walk with other dogs. We do training classes 1 HR per week I try to be consistent with him and try to do some extra training with him. The kids are hit and miss with him they are 9 & 12 mostly cos they are wary of him cos of the last 10weeks the biting, nipping barking at them. I thought daycare would help as he would socialise with other dogs. But the trainer in fairness who has seen him the most outside of the 4 of us here days he does not have the manners to be around other dogs in a unstructured way at present and could make his behaviour worst.....  #confused!!! 


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## Nia'smum (Feb 13, 2015)

Thank you Beekeeper for your post I'm very sorry to hear about your dog x


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## Lexi&Beemer (May 5, 2013)

Based on your description seems it has less to do with Buddy and more to do with your anticipation/reaction to things. The fact that your husband can walk Buddy off leash without anyone being mauled suggests that Buddy is able to be around other dogs. Your actions when he is around other dogs signal to Buddy that danger is coming and he acts that way as he is protecting you. You are teaching him that other dogs are dangerous. I'm not surprised by how he acted when a new dog is introduced during class because that's what he has been taught based on your previous interactions. If the advice you are getting from the trainer is to leash him as soon as another dog approaches, you should get a new trainer. But before spending even more money in a trainer and having a disappointing outcome you have to decide that you can trust Buddy to be able to trust you. And he needs much more stimulation than it sounds like he is getting. If those walks aren't off lead where he can run and sniff and run to his hearts content, it's not enough. And an hour for training seems to be a long time in one shot. Shorter more frequent opportunities to train is better. AND he needs to play. He sounds board and chasing after your kids and getting chased by you probably is a lot of fun for him but not for you and the kids. That's why you need to play games with him. Play hide and seek. Play a good game of tug where he wins some of the time. Play fetch. But if you can't make the changes to help Buddy be the dog he can be or the time to implemented the changes, then I'd say be kind to the puppy and yourself and see if there is an alternative home in which Buddy does get the type of interaction he needs. Going on this path without making a change on your part will just lead to real aggression and possibly sad consequences. 

My intention is in no way to judge your situation as there are countless stories in which the proper changes make a life altering difference, mine and my two included. The situation, though, seems to require intervention sooner rather than later. 


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## tessybear (May 1, 2011)

I agree with Donna about not keeping him away from other dogs. Puppies learn about good behavior from other dogs, it's not like he is going to be only with other puppies. My day care was excellent for socialization. In puppy classes Dexter mounted everyone (dogs I mean) non stop as he was so exited and he went to day care from quite young where he was taught not to do that from the other dogs and carefully supervised by a great staff.


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## Nia'smum (Feb 13, 2015)

Hi all, I'm not sure if I've made myself clear. In training classes they are on leash all the time while we do activities they are off for recall and he is fine. I walk him on leash but have in last 2 weeks gone to the field and had him off leash if I see a big dog off leash I will put him on if I feel uncomfortable, I'm trying to get better. The behaviour I saw yesterday did surprise me but having not had a puppy before I might have been completely normal for you all that are more experienced around dogs. I did ask the trainers advice and she said he can't be trusted around other dogs. I feel I can't trust him 100% of the time cos he is a puppy and is pushing boundaries, not because he is a aggressive dog . My thoughts around daycare for 6 days a month was it would help and that actually being around other dogs would help him and he needs to learn some behaviours from other dogs etc it's the trainer that has unsettled me. He is a very lovely puppy with a few unwanted behaviours currently which is to be expected and I am prepared to work out its just harder than I thought and you get so much conflicting advice. Not sure if that helps at all x 


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## dmgalley (Aug 19, 2012)

Your feeling is 100% correct. Other dogs will tell him when he is pushing too much. If it's a day care, the dogs will have been screened so there shouldn't be the kind of dog that would hurt him. Just do your research on the day care because not all dogs have the patience for a puppy. 
I know it's hard with the first puppy. I'm lucky my first was not spunky out a bitter. Please trust your instincts they seem good


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## Nia'smum (Feb 13, 2015)

Thanks for your reply he will be in a smallish group with similar sized dogs a 6mth Cockapoo a couple of Bichon's that are around 2yrs a couple of Yorkshire terriers between 1-2yrs so he will be the youngest at nearly 5mths. I don't want him to hurt another dog more I would be really upset if he did.... Obv I would be if he got hurt too x I think I'll give it a go tomorrow and see what happens ( hope I don't get a call to remove my nuisance puppy ) x 


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## DB1 (Jan 20, 2012)

Its hard reading posts to really get an idea of how bad a 'problem' is, I know I worried over lots of things and behaviours that I would be a lot calmer about if I got another pup, having said that, mine never snapped at another dog, he was just very lively with no manners and was a bit 'cocky' at home. If you weren't overly worried before the trainer said that to you it maybe worth chatting to whoever runs the dog day care that you were going to send him to, see how experienced they are, see if you could pop around with him they could assess him. A behaviourist would be good but can be expensive, sorry I can't look back at OP now, are you in Es**** I was looking at Victoria Stillwell positively trainers the other day and I'm sure there was someone in Es**** although i bet they are not cheap either.


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## Marzi (Sep 17, 2012)

Calm, convincing, consistent training sounds like a very good thing to me.
When training dogs I think it is important to be responsive to your dog - those of us that are serial dog owners  learn a little bit more with each new dog and that informs us and helps next time around.
I do not believe that there is any easy or quick fix - consistency means all the time.
How does your puppy sitter see Buddy?
I absolutely think that Buddy could benefit from a well run doggy day care which has good supervision and the opportunity to separate dogs if it is not working. A gentle lab may well be a better partner for Buddy that a grumpy Yorkshire terrier 
With dogs and puppies it is true to say that we are often the ones who need training, rather than the dogs.
Cockapoo puppies are not the worst type of pups - they are just puppies with very sharp teeth, lots of intelligence and boundless energy. All puppies are on a steep learning curve. We need to be very aware of what we are teaching them and what exactly they are learning.
Jan Fennell was the bees knees for a while (as have been Barabara Woodhouse, Cesear Milan and countless others) I think Victoria Stillwell is more in at the moment. 
If you follow a formula you will see improvements - because you are being consistent - to have the best relationship with your dog you learn your dog and respond to them with respect when training and that builds trust and real relationship.


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## Nia'smum (Feb 13, 2015)

Thanks all well I come home from work yesterday and played with him for an HR whilst drinking my tea etc then out for walk took the 9yr old with me played ball fetch etc in the field all off lead continued walk home on lead saw other dogs he was fine. Stewed all night about today took him to daycare feeling sick with nerves..... Lady was lovely listened to me witter on about how he is not very well socialised, I'm sorry if he is a handful, and ring me if he is a nightmare or terrorising the others!!! Rung at 10.30 got told he is lovely he is fine playing etc got there at 5pm to collect said he was good all day a little quiet in afternoon as probably tired. He was pleased to see me got home he is exhausted lied by my feet whilst did the dinner, I gone upstairs to get changed he is lying in bottom step waiting for me to come down normally would be jumping up barking for me. I think I won't walk tonight as he is shattered early night all round go back tomorrow then that's it till next week there. But feeling like I'm letting this trainer dominate me and our relationship with buddy and because he is not fitting into her box its him that's the problem when perhaps her style doesn't suit us..... Who knows its like parenting they don't come with a manual  


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## Nia'smum (Feb 13, 2015)

Also puppy walker never raised any concerns she said he was a normal puppy and thought he was lovely xxx 


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## Marzi (Sep 17, 2012)

Good. 
We are all agreed - he is a puppy and he is lovely


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## lady amanda (Nov 26, 2010)

Sounds perfectly normal to me! have another tea and a deep breath mama, it all gets easier! 
Such great advice from our as marzi put is "serial" dog owners! I would suggest the exact same! 
Keep at the consistency. it will be ok


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## Lexi&Beemer (May 5, 2013)

That is great you took the plunge and went on your gut feeling about Buddy and not the trainer's. I'm sure it felt great playing with him off lead. And that is exactly what daycare is for - socialization and exhaustion. But my number 1 criteria for daycare is how much they want to go back. My two start getting excited when I make the turn down the road the daycare is on and they are absolutely batty once I'm in the parking lot. Truly I'm happy that you got that great phone call. I know having someone face to face tell you that they are good dogs goes a long long way. 

Now pictures of Buddy?


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## Nia'smum (Feb 13, 2015)

The first picture is him after daycare today and the 2nd is him and my husband playing the other night ( the husband who was not going to get attached to him he said before he arrived  ) and is completely smitten now x 


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## lady amanda (Nov 26, 2010)

awe!!! what a sweet boy....and tell your husband not to worry. it is absolutely impossible to deny a cockapoo love.


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## Marzi (Sep 17, 2012)

Sweet puppy - looking as if butter would not melt 
There is a whole load of merchandise out there with sentiments along the lines of 'Real men love cockapoos'; my OH has been totally won over by our curly girls


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## Lexi&Beemer (May 5, 2013)

He's a total yummy!


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