# Separation anxiety



## Lena11 (Aug 1, 2021)

Hi all!
My Monty is a real star in lots of areas, however one thing he struggles with, is being left alone. 
When I leave the room for a short time for when I go to the bathroom, I say: wait and he will sit and wait all fine, no problem, though he never continues sleeping.
I live on my own and when I shower or have to go food shopping, I give him a chew and he is completely fine for a bit, but after about 5- 10 minutes, he starts crying/barking (I have a doggie cam) and is no longer interested in the chew once he realises I am gone. Now, I am aware to teach him short times first, but it seems we make 0 progress and since I live alone, showering and going food shopping will need to be done and he will be alone. I already rush, but was wondering for more tipps and tricks. Right now his anxiety is there, but a mild case and I do not want it to get worse.
I leave the radio on (he ignores that)


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## 2ndhandgal (Aug 29, 2011)

The key is practice, so put shoes and coat on, go out of door and come back and repeat several times, the key is not to think about building time and more to think about building a dog who is not too bothered to see you going out of the door. I did multiple visits to the bin to throw rubbish away every day and eventually Molly got bored with worrying about it and could carry on with whatever she was doing whilst I did it. I then inched up time very gradually. I also make sure I have a firm routine for leaving so dogs are walked first, then I sit in a different place to put shoes on to the one when I am taking them, they then wait in their beds and have a biscuit as I leave. I also leave and re-enter by the same door and also leave radio on to give some background noise.


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## Lena11 (Aug 1, 2021)

Thank you! That’s really helpful! I will do that!


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## TA-92x (Aug 13, 2021)

I have the exact same problem as you - also live alone with a bit of a ‘Velcro’ pup 😄 I spoke to our puppy trainer about this and she suggested starting back at basics - just by changing rooms and only reward with attention or treat when he is quiet (seems to be helping a little). Not making a big deal of returning by giving attention straight away too.

I had to leave him the other day to go food shopping and left him in his crate with the TV on - I’ve recently changed his crate to a bigger one which may have helped, but I took the blankets off which were covering the top and made sure he could see the window (suggestion from a friend) - he still had a bit of a winge every so often, but was 100% better than he had been when left previously.

Not sure if any of this helps at all but thought I would share!x


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## Lena11 (Aug 1, 2021)

That is helpful! Thank you! When he is eating or has a chew, he is fine for a bit. After either food is done or about 10 minutes is when he realises I am gone and cries


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## TA-92x (Aug 13, 2021)

Lena11 said:


> That is helpful! Thank you! When he is eating or has a chew, he is fine for a bit. After either food is done or about 10 minutes is when he realises I am gone and cries


Have you tried a Kong or Lickimat? I found the Lickimat worked semi well as it lasted a bit longer - for some reason mine wasn’t interested in the Kong and just wouldn’t touch it until I got back x


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## Lena11 (Aug 1, 2021)

He only shows interest in the kong for about 1 min, same goes for the licky mat 😞Tried both. Thank you though!!


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## 2ndhandgal (Aug 29, 2011)

They need to learn that you are coming back and it is nothing to worry about then they will be happier to occupy themselves or settle down to sleep while you are gone.


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## Lena11 (Aug 1, 2021)

I did an hour long session yesterday of just leaving and entering the room and will continue doing so! I also divided the room, so I am in the same room but away from him. He cries for a little and then settles down, which is great! I am hoping if I just continue, it will get easier for him in the next few months. 
thank you all for help and let me know, if I am doing something wrong!


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## 2ndhandgal (Aug 29, 2011)

Perfect - just get it so it becomes utterly routine


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## Lena11 (Aug 1, 2021)

I have to say…the separation training is the most frustrating part of training to me. Monty is amazing at everything, but I spend another hour just doing things, walking in and out of the room (not leaving for even a second) and Monty cried the whole way through. He laid done and relaxed only once, which I rewarded heavily. But then started again soon after…😞 I feel so bad for him


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## Lena11 (Aug 1, 2021)

Basically I just had to rant


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## 2ndhandgal (Aug 29, 2011)

If he is crying sounds like you need to scale back a bit. Just do short sessions too.

It is exhausting, when I first got Molly she did not cope being left at all and had to come everywhere with me


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## RossLondon (Feb 4, 2021)

Lena11 said:


> Hi all!
> My Monty is a real star in lots of areas, however one thing he struggles with, is being left alone.
> When I leave the room for a short time for when I go to the bathroom, I say: wait and he will sit and wait all fine, no problem, though he never continues sleeping.
> I live on my own and when I shower or have to go food shopping, I give him a chew and he is completely fine for a bit, but after about 5- 10 minutes, he starts crying/barking (I have a doggie cam) and is no longer interested in the chew once he realises I am gone. Now, I am aware to teach him short times first, but it seems we make 0 progress and since I live alone, showering and going food shopping will need to be done and he will be alone. I already rush, but was wondering for more tipps and tricks. Right now his anxiety is there, but a mild case and I do not want it to get worse.
> I leave the radio on (he ignores that)





Lena11 said:


> Hi all!
> My Monty is a real star in lots of areas, however one thing he struggles with, is being left alone.
> When I leave the room for a short time for when I go to the bathroom, I say: wait and he will sit and wait all fine, no problem, though he never continues sleeping.
> I live on my own and when I shower or have to go food shopping, I give him a chew and he is completely fine for a bit, but after about 5- 10 minutes, he starts crying/barking (I have a doggie cam) and is no longer interested in the chew once he realises I am gone. Now, I am aware to teach him short times first, but it seems we make 0 progress and since I live alone, showering and going food shopping will need to be done and he will be alone. I already rush, but was wondering for more tipps and tricks. Right now his anxiety is there, but a mild case and I do not want it to get worse.
> I leave the radio on (he ignores that)


As carer of a one year cockapoo that wouldn’t even let me shower while in the bathroom with me, I can totally relate. I suggest you get pet insurance, wait for a couple of weeks then go to your vet and get a referral for a behaviourist. Do not DIY. According to my vet, cockapoos are one of the breed that have been most impacted by COVID, lockdowns and unusual social behaviours of the last two years. I give you this advice as someone who, to this day, is still doing daily training for separation anxiety and we got to 12 minutes of no signs of distress after 6 months of work, with a pup who is on fluoxetine and pexion at the same time. Separation anxiety and isolation distress are no joke. I also live on my own.


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## Lena11 (Aug 1, 2021)

Thank you all for advice. The good thing is: I don’t think he has real separation anxiety yet. Yes, he cries when I am gone for 10 minutes, sometimes 15 minutes. But I have a feeling it is improving. I had an important meeting and had to go to the office. He stayed with my friend and she said he was completely fine! Now, I know he wasn’t alone, but I take it as a victory. 
also he now can stay put when I leave the room to go to the bathroom. Also when I put him in his play pen and work on the other side of the room (when he lays down he can’t see me), he goes to sleep without any crying. I think we are heading in the right direction very slowly!


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## Lena11 (Aug 1, 2021)

Quick update. I went food shopping (took me 10 minutes) and when I got back Monty was still in his crate (I leave the door open, it has a crate cover) chewing his chicken chew. He did not even really notice I was gone, so no greeting, nothing and no crying (well, he definitely can hear I left, so I know he noticed somewhat, which is great). I am very proud of him!


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## 2ndhandgal (Aug 29, 2011)

Yay well done that is perfect - not being bothered it exactly what you are aiming for!


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## Lena11 (Aug 1, 2021)

Just to give inside into our journey: Monty often notices when I go out to go food shopping. I set up a Furbo in my hallway and he will walk to the front door and waits until I come back (just like he does when I leave the room). No more crying or barking, so I know we are on he right path. Now, he just needs to get to a place, where he does not even wait for me, so I will just continue.


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## 2ndhandgal (Aug 29, 2011)

Excellent well done


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## Rubypoos (Dec 16, 2021)

I'm going through separation crying at the moment with my 11 week old (and potty training but she getting the hang of that) 
I had no choice but leave her when we got her at 8 weeks as I had school runs, she did cry and then wants play time and zoomies when I'm back.

Kids are now on Xmas holidays, but even going to the loo she cries, she has toys and chews but if I leave the room she loses all interest.
So my plan over the holidays is start back to basics, going to leave and come back etc 

Also having issues with hoover sounds or my hair dryer (she hates both and proper screams) but if I'm hoovering or drying my hair she has to deal with it

I forgot how much hard work puppy training was! Although I'm new to cockapoo breed (had a lab before)


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## Lena11 (Aug 1, 2021)

Well, I was a complete idiot and did not do much training over the holidays (I was at my family's) and now need to start from scratch.


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## Lena11 (Aug 1, 2021)

I am back to working on separation with Monty, but would love some advice. 
Monty stands by the door and whines when I leave for longer than 2 minutes (unless I go to the bathroom or shower). No destructive behaviour, pacing or eliminating. He just stands there and cries, sometimes he barks once. Now, I will continue the training, but I am wondering, do you think I should leave (I can just go to another room, I have a puppy cam) for longer to see, if he settles eventually, maybe 30 minutes, or would I make it worse?


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## RossLondon (Feb 4, 2021)

Sorry to hear that. You should get in touch with a behaviourist and see what they say. My experience has been that you’ll have to go back to square one and re-build his tolerance to your departures. You might find that a bit of a refresher will get him back to where he was before you stopped the training. Good luck!


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## 2ndhandgal (Aug 29, 2011)

Lena11 said:


> I am back to working on separation with Monty, but would love some advice.
> Monty stands by the door and whines when I leave for longer than 2 minutes (unless I go to the bathroom or shower). No destructive behaviour, pacing or eliminating. He just stands there and cries, sometimes he barks once. Now, I will continue the training, but I am wondering, do you think I should leave (I can just go to another room, I have a puppy cam) for longer to see, if he settles eventually, maybe 30 minutes, or would I make it worse?


If you leave him with a biscuit does he then eat it? That is one of my indicators of how happy or upset pup is, if he eats the biscuit it may be fine to try a little longer to see if he settles but if not then I would go back a step to try and make the leaving point happier so he is not so bothered when you do leave.


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## Lena11 (Aug 1, 2021)

2ndhandgal said:


> If you leave him with a biscuit does he then eat it? That is one of my indicators of how happy or upset pup is, if he eats the biscuit it may be fine to try a little longer to see if he settles but if not then I would go back a step to try and make the leaving point happier so he is not so bothered when you do leave.


he eats it at first but then becomes uninterested and starts whining quietly. I think he is going to get it one day, I just need to stick to it. He used to be like this when I showered. Now I can take as long as I want and he chills in the meantime. He is an angel otherwise, so I think I am just being impatient


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## Lena11 (Aug 1, 2021)

I have also gotten a dogsitter, because I have an hour long recurring appointment every week soon. He only sometimes cries but can be distracted when someone else is around, so hoping that will help. He needs to just get to the point, where he is sure I will be back, so I am gonna stick to leaving briefly to take the rubbish out daily for now.


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## 2ndhandgal (Aug 29, 2011)

Perfect - sounds like he is still a little worried then and just needs a bit longer at the early stages to know you are going to come back before you stretch it out any more.


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## Lena11 (Aug 1, 2021)

Yes, agreed. It is so easy to get impatient with a puppy. He has done so amazing and impresses me daily because he is such a quick learner. I think because we have such a special bond, it just takes a bit longer to be okay to be on his own. His dog trainer (who is amazing) is also a behaviouralist, so if it does not resolve in the longer term I will book a session, however I think it is too early to call it full on separation anxiety. He cries a little, but nothing else and only when I leave the house. I can leave the room just fine and besides the quiet whining, no other symptoms. So I will just continue working on it. Thank you for your advice!


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## Lena11 (Aug 1, 2021)

@2ndhandgal quick questions, I am also talking to a dog trainer, but she is really busy so I am waiting for an appointment. I found this: An Expert’s Guide to Training a Dog with Separation Anxiety 
Basically suggesting the same thing you do. I left, came back after a few seconds now for a few weeks and started doing 30 minute training sessions of me just leaving and coming back. Now, he has not cried during these and when I give him a chew toy (which I do at times not always) he chews on that without caring about me leaving. Without the chew, I make him go to his bed or on a low couch and tell him to stay there, which he mostly does, when I am quick. However, no matter what and trust me even when he is tired, he will not go to sleep. He either sits and waits or chews on chew. 
Now, I am sure, because he is just waiting unless he has the chew, he will whine, if I increase the time, with the chew I can pretty much stay out for a few minutes without him caring, but at some point he is done. 

When do I know when I can increase the time? I mean, coming in and out means, he never really settles. I am very worried about increasing the time that he will cry/whine, I do not want to make it worse or take steps back. I would love for him to eventually just sleep when I am gone. (mind you, I am working on it daily and he is never alone except for training, so I am trying my best, he is 5 months now).


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## 2ndhandgal (Aug 29, 2011)

I have a very definite - I am leaving the house routine, I put my shoes on in a particular place which is different from if I am taking them with me, tell them I am going "shopping" and they each have a biscuit in their respective beds. Nothing long lasting just a biscuit which lasts less than a minute. So firstly make sure you are being clear that you are leaving, if he is happily chewing on his treat once you have gone that sounds like he is coping pretty well and ready for you to start to inch up the time. 

There is a world of difference between a slight "you are not back yet" whine and the true heart breaking distress of a dog who is not coping with the leaving at all which is classic separation anxiety (Molly was awful when I first had her and did not cope with even a second of alone time). Once I got Molly used to being left for brief times she would often sit and wait at the door for me to come back, probably with the occasional slight whine, this progressed to settling in her bed with an eye on the door and now has progressed to Chance going upstairs and Molly settling in a bed at the bottom of the stairs, If they think I have been gone too long they will queue at the door waiting for me.

So - I think your boy is ready for you to do a little more, I get the idea of not always giving the same chew but am not sure the concept of a stay with nothing where you want him to remain in place is the same thing to him so not sure it is adding much value if that makes sense.


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## Lena11 (Aug 1, 2021)

Thank you that is incredible helpful. Yes, he whines after a while, but I would say, it is the: ugh, come back - whine, not a panic cry at all. I see your point and I will just leave him with different treats/chews, maybe that helps. 🧐


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## 2ndhandgal (Aug 29, 2011)

As far as Molly is concerned she would prefer life with 24/7 access to my lap, unfortunately that is not realistic for life and she has needed to learn to adapt. When I first got her any separation was totally panic and I could have left the house covered in steak and chicken and she would not have touched a thing. If I had started to use a kong or similar which I only gave when I was going to have practice leaving sessions I am pretty sure quite quickly she would have figured it out and have nothing to do with the kong. 

With a pup things are different and you can give a whole variety of things to keep them busy, both when you are there and when you are practicing leaving, you just need to avoid the whole "this is your kong and I only give it to you when I am going to leave you for longer than you can cope with" thing.

I have got a camera now so can check in on them although I did not have it when I was first building up her time leaving. It is useful for reassurance that all is OK if I get caught out and am out for longer than expected.

Your pup is very lucky to have such a thoughtful owner.


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## Lena11 (Aug 1, 2021)

Aw thank you, that means a lot! I just don't want to make mistakes and for him to be confident and happy!


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## 2ndhandgal (Aug 29, 2011)

Out of interest I watched mine today on the camera to see what they did as soon as I left. Chance finishes her biscuit and immediately leaves the room and will have gone upstairs to sleep on my bed. Molly takes a little bit longer to finish hers, glanced at the door to see if I was coming back, then goes and thoroughly checks area where Chance ate her biscuit to see if any left, another quick glance at the door and then she also wanders off to her bed at the bottom of the stairs


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## Lena11 (Aug 1, 2021)

I cannot thank you enough @2ndhandgal! I did another 30 minute session. I took your advice, I used a slice of carrot (weirdly, that has always been his favourite treat 🤷‍♀️) send him to lay down in his bed, gave it to him and said: 'be good' and left for two minutes. I watched him on camera. No whining or crying and in the two minutes, he even stepped away from the door to try jumping on the couch😅 and to sniff. He was still by the door 90% of the time, but still HUGE progress. Whenever I returned, I just said 'Were you good?' and gave him a pat on the head. He started going to his bed, hoping for more carrot😅. Waited for a minute and out I went again. I am doing this daily, and this approach has finally shown progress!


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## 2ndhandgal (Aug 29, 2011)

Excellent - well done  sounds like he is doing really well.


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## Lena11 (Aug 1, 2021)

Short success story, today he was back to whining by the door. 😫 Even after a minute. He did not whine the entire time, but quite a bit. It's not really panic crying, I believe. It is more whining, I think. I shall do another session later today.


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## 2ndhandgal (Aug 29, 2011)

Don't forget progress is never linear - it may be today he was more unsettled, or not in the mood or a million other things so try not to fret


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## Lena11 (Aug 1, 2021)

Very true, actually this evening he is back to doing great. 3 minutes and no crying, whining. I think he was a bit overtired earlier because he had played with another dog for a while.


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## Lena11 (Aug 1, 2021)

I will keep updating this, hopefully it helps people


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