# Dog scared of my stepson



## Andi (Feb 4, 2017)

I have posted about Jack before and his adjustment issues with the yellow lab (my boyfriend and his son moved in - I refer to him as my stepson here because I don't know how else to easily identify him) who moved in in November. Turns out I just panicked and everything was fine. We are a happy family now. Except....

Jack (the 4 year old cockapoo) is terrified of my stepson. He isn't even the slightest aggressive and is showing no signs of that - no growling or anything. He will just actively hide from my stepson, position himself so i am between the two of us, run away from him, hide behind me and he even trembles. This dog loves everyone. Except my stepson (who is 16).

No one in the house yells, my stepson is polite, quiet, friendly, we all hang out in the house and everything is fine. Except Jack is a giant wuss. My stepson says nothing has ever happened. The only thing I can figure... my stepson plays pretty rough with his yellow lab. They play fight. The dog growls. Jack has a history of hating when another dog growls. I've been scared for him because of it because he will literally try to lick the growlers face, get between the growler and the other dog or just bark and whimper. He acts like he's trying to keep the peace - and he does it whenever a human and dog play or a dog and another dog play. My parents have a cavapoo and jack will growl and play fight and have fun with that dog. So maybe he's scared of my stepson because my stepson plays rough with the big dog? If so - how do i fix this? I have no idea what to do. It makes me really sad.


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## LuckyCockapoo (May 29, 2017)

So Jack the Cockapoo is frightened and intimidated by other dogs growling and shows pacifying and submissive behaviour in such situations (face licking). So he generally is submissive and frightened in situations with other dogs it seems - at least if there is perceived aggression. This alone is something to think about working to build his confidence and helping him feel more secure and self confident. For pups this would be exposure to more and more dogs, letting them play as they naturally will and from that build their confidence. For a more adult dog I'm not sure what to do, a behaviourist would likely know. As you've said Jack will still play, and play fight with the Cavapoo, perhaps that is still the answer and socialising him with pups and younger playful dogs may help him build his confidence. I'm only guessing about this based on what you said. If this is how he is, I suspect it may go some way to helping the situation with your stepson and the Lab. 

How is Jack with the Lab generally, ok? Do they ever play together?

How long has this situation re being fearful of the stepson gone on? Was it always like that from day 1 of meeting him? Or did it develop at some point in time - progressively or suddenly?

Perhaps ask your stepson to not play rough with the Lab for a while - explain why and how upset you are to see Jack so distressed. See if that changes things. 

Has Jack generally been ok around older boys? I.e. Is he socialised to be comfortable with them? Some dogs just don't like certain things cos they're not used to them. If he's always been like that with the stepson then I'd expect this to be the case. Gentle encouragement, feeding, training, playing with the stepson may solve that. 

If he suddenly/quickly went like this after being more or less ok, I suspect an event led to it. It may have been down to the Lab playing or something else (boys, even nice ones, can be horrible creatures - I know, I was one). 

The one thing I'd def do is be open and clear with your partner and his stepson how upsetting you find it that Jack is like this, you'll need their help.


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## Andi (Feb 4, 2017)

My stepson says he and jack just kind of ignored each other for a while after he moved in. It's been the past couple of months that Jack has started getting more and more scared of him. It wasn't this bad at first. It does seem like it's getting worse. I have asked him if anything happened - did he accidently step on Jack. Did he accidently throw something at Jack - anything. I told him I won't get mad we just need to figure it out. He denies anything happened. 

Jack and the lab are 100% fine with each other. They do not play though like Jack does with my parents dog. Jack has been around a lot of dogs in his life, but he has a bond with my parents dog. He sees him every day (my mom is retired so watches the dogs while I'm at work - Jack has severe separation anxiety and is like my shadow). Jack is not fearful of the lab - except if she growls. He will run right up to her wagging his tail. 

Jack has not been around many teenage boys. He has been around kids - and usually he's like kind of shy and nervous around kids and then slowly warms up and is fine. He loves men. It's just my stepson that he has an issue with. I never thought he had a socialization problem before but now I'm not so sure. He goes on walks daily. He is around other dogs, and he usually is eager to meet friends dogs. 

Jack is a really loyal loving dog. It just makes me upset because my stepson now says he hates jack because jack doesn't like him. I'm trying to work on things - like I am having him give Jack a treat. Then for the second treat Jack has to come up and let Bryce pet him. I said after the second treat just leave Jack alone. In a couple hours try again. Don't try to force Jack to love you. I don't know what else to do. Perhaps a behavioral trainer is our best bet. It just makes me sad. He's seriously such a good dog. And trainers can be super expensive


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## Andi (Feb 4, 2017)

You know... I do wonder if my stepson as jus too rough handling him too. He has this tendancy... to like love animals to death. like I have a cat and he just wants to hold the cat and love it - and the cat is like.... uh who are you put me down. And he doesn't really pick up on the subtle cues the animal gives. It's kind of sad - he just wants an animal to love him and cuddle with him - but he's like... tooo much love and he doesn't realize when the animal has had enough. I get it. I kind of know I was like that too. I love animals. When I was his age all I wanted was an animal to cuddle with me. Our family dog always slept with our parents, and I remember trying to like... put her leash on and pull her into my room to sleep with me (dumb, I know, but I was like 12). So I get it. I've tried to show him like... when the cat is flicking her tail that's a sign she needs a break. He may just have come on too strong or something. I don't know. It's so hard!

It may also have just been a bigger adjustment than I realized to have the significant other and his son move in all at once. Plus a giant dog and their cat. It was a merging of the households. Maybe he still needs time. I'm going to try having my stepson go for walks with me and Jack. I can walk the lab and he can walk Jack.


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## 2ndhandgal (Aug 29, 2011)

I would say it may be OK for Bryce to give Jack a treat but asking him to be stroked for the second treat is probably too much for Jack right now.

Does Jack enjoy training? Have you ever done any clicker training? Clicker training is totally hands off and the dog sets the pace so I would consider doing something like getting Bryce to teach Jack something fun and not too close to him like to turn in a circle so they start to associate each other with more fun stuff.

Also Bryce can not approach Jack at all and can only engage him in play with a toy rather than being hands on and maybe intimidating. So if Bryce wishes to interact with Jack get him to get his favourite toy and invite him to play - from a distance so Jack has a choice. Hopefully with less pressure Jack will choose to have more to do with Bryce and things will settle down.

How old is Bryce? It does sound like he needs to learn about boundaries with animals and that could well be the problem if he has been overbearing with Jack.


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## Cat 53 (Aug 26, 2012)

Sounds to me like you have hit the nail on the head. You step son is too hung Ho and it intimidates Jack. Does Jack like playing fetch, or ball throwing, because that is something he and Bryce could bond over. Fun together but very hands off. Frisbee catching all that sort of thing. But I suspect you would need to go along too until Jack discovers he can trust Bryce.


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## Andi (Feb 4, 2017)

Thank you! Bryce is 16. I think maybe the fetch is probably a good idea. I will work on that with him. I just want everyone to get along!!!


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