# Heart Broken



## polly1harg (Jun 6, 2013)

Hello All,

HELP ME  

So me and Callum are trying to get Daisy used to being left alone as we are planning in 8 weeks for her to be left for 4 hours at a time when we go to work... 

I left her yesterday for the first time (I have been leaving her the odd times but staying in the house and she would cry... i hoped that it was because she could hear me upstairs) 

I planned it really well i even set up the laptop to record her. I put her in the crate with toys, water and a kong full of goodies which she had watched me prepare so was desperate for it! I placed her in the crate with the kong and she did not even realised i had gone i left the house thinking positive thoughts. We were out for around an hour 3:15 - 4:15 which i thought was a good time for starters. I ignored her for around 5 mins after taking her out for a wee and placing her in the crate before i left. 

I watched the video back and i realised i had made a massive mistake i had left the screen on my mac so she could see herself being videoed... she spent around 30 mins barking/ whining at herself in the screen. I felt terrible. I decided to leave it as a mistake on my part and decided to try harder the next day (today) 

So it was that time again 3:15 i made it the same routine out for a wee, laptop on (screen blacked out) i covered the crate and put the radio on. She had lots of toys, water and a kong that i would have eaten myself. I placed her in the crate and as i walked to the door around 5 mins after i heard her cry. I carried on and hoped it would only last 10 mins or so.... We were gone for 1hr 40mins as we needed to nip to Asda. We got back ignored for her for 5 mins and put the shopping away... let her out for a wee and fussed her when she had a wee. 

I watched it back and MY GOD it was horrific!!!! she cried for 30 mins solid... really horrible cries and howls! she scratched to get out tried to climb up to get out!! After 30 mins she finally fell asleep on her bed... for around 20 mins then up again howling and whining for 10 mins until she settled down for around 45 mins until we got home... same routine as before! 

She never once played with any toys and on both occasions she was not interested in the Kong until when we got back then she could not leave it alone dragging it around the house! 

I am literally heart broken! I was not expecting miracles i was just hoping things would get progressively better i was hoping that this time she would maybe cry for a little less time. We have got to have a dog which will fit in with out life style and in 2 more months we will be back at work and she will be alone for 4 hours at a time. How do i get her used to being alone? What am i doing wrong or will it just get better with time? Is the idea of the routine good or should i try the morning tomorrow??? She tends to sleep in the afternoon from around 1:30 until 3ish maybe she just is not tired?? 

I just love her so much and i want a happy and healthy puppy as everyone does! 

Is anyone else having or had the same problems? Does it get better? Will she ever not mind being left alone??? 

AGHHHHHH HELP ME PLEASE I FEEL HORRIBLE!!!


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## Tecstar (Apr 17, 2013)

It will get better. Dont forget this is training too. I think the laptop thing is a mistake. You are just torturing yourself for nothing. A dog has to be trained to fit into your lifestyle and this is just part of it. Once they realise you are coming back they will be happier. 

Sent from my GT-I9100 using Tapatalk 4 Beta


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## dio.ren (Jan 18, 2013)

Maybe that is a bit long to start with. With Molly I would leave her alone for short periods. I would never make a fuss before leaving just ignored her and walked out. She was a baby maybe 10 weeks or so. I would leave her for 5 minutes to start and then come back she would whine but everyday I would increase it by 5 minutes. She would whine for a bit and then quiet down. As time progressed maybe over a period of 3 weeks or so I was able to leave her in her crate for 4 hours and she was quiet. She would whimper a bit for a few minutes but then nothing. I had her crate in a room with a fan on for white noise and it was dark (blinds closed). She could not see me leave. This has worked for us so far. 

Good luck with your puppy i'm sure with time she will get it. It's normal for them to cry but eventually she will clue in that you do come back.


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## arlo (Mar 11, 2013)

I don't have an answer but just wanted to say please don't feel bad, you are as far from horrible as it is possible to be! You really are going the extra mile for Daisy, making sure she is happy. I am sure you will get lots of helpful suggestions. I have read some dogs are better in a restricted area rather than just the crate. She is young and in time may just get to realise the barking and howling will not get you back any quicker, that theory never worked for mine. She is young and things like this as you know are alot of trial and error, but when its your beloved girl I am sure you are very upset and worried. Just keep trying, I really feel in 8 weeks time you will have a much more positive outlook on things. Pat yourself on the back and be proud that Daisy has such a brilliant mum!


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## wilfiboy (Sep 18, 2010)

Your doing nothing wrong and two months is a long time ....it's massive in a puppies life x 
You got the car sorted. .. You'll sort this . Maybe leave her for less time and slowly build it up. Is there anything that she really likes, that she finds really tasty . Try different things and see what she loves... Cheese, sausage, liver cake, peanut butter, then try the one that she values the most when you find something maybe just use it for when you're going our, mine soon learnt that when the kongs came out I was going out. I still do and if the kongs one out Wilf just goes and gets in his bed xx


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## polly1harg (Jun 6, 2013)

dio.ren said:


> Maybe that is a bit long to start with. With Molly I would leave her alone for short periods. I would never make a fuss before leaving just ignored her and walked out. She was a baby maybe 10 weeks or so. I would leave her for 5 minutes to start and then come back she would whine but everyday I would increase it by 5 minutes. She would whine for a bit and then quiet down. As time progressed maybe over a period of 3 weeks or so I was able to leave her in her crate for 4 hours and she was quiet. She would whimper a bit for a few minutes but then nothing. I had her crate in a room with a fan on for white noise and it was dark (blinds closed). She could not see me leave. This has worked for us so far.
> 
> Good luck with your puppy i'm sure with time she will get it. It's normal for them to cry but eventually she will clue in that you do come back.


Hello, 

Thanks for you reply... I have tried over the last week to leave her for a few mins and came back then progressively more and i do admit that it was a bit of just to then go for an hour but i am stuck between two frames of mind... 1, That if i left her for 5 mins she would cry the moment i left and then it meant that i have to come back when she is crying... 
2, That you should not come back to your pup if she is crying so that technically would mean that i would have to leave her for the min of 30 mins as thats when she would settle down. 

It is really tricky!!! The reason i am trying to build the time up fast is due to the fact that i am graduating on friday and i am having to leave her for 3 hours to go to the ceremony. She is however, going to have doggy company my mum is coming so is bringing her dog too... 

Its really hard to know what is best to do... she also just tolerates the create she does not love it so thats not really helping!


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## polly1harg (Jun 6, 2013)

arlo said:


> I don't have an answer but just wanted to say please don't feel bad, you are as far from horrible as it is possible to be! You really are going the extra mile for Daisy, making sure she is happy. I am sure you will get lots of helpful suggestions. I have read some dogs are better in a restricted area rather than just the crate. She is young and in time may just get to realise the barking and howling will not get you back any quicker, that theory never worked for mine. She is young and things like this as you know are alot of trial and error, but when its your beloved girl I am sure you are very upset and worried. Just keep trying, I really feel in 8 weeks time you will have a much more positive outlook on things. Pat yourself on the back and be proud that Daisy has such a brilliant mum!


Hello thanks for your reply...

Would you suggest putting a pen on the crate too? We are in rented accommodation so we cannot give her free rome of the kitchen but we do have a pen we have not used. The only thing i was worried about is that she may wee in the pen area. We have not puppy pad trained her we are just crate training and positive reinforcement house training. 

Also you said that the theory you suggested did not work for yours what did work?


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## polly1harg (Jun 6, 2013)

wilfiboy said:


> Your doing nothing wrong and two months is a long time ....it's massive in a puppies life x
> You got the car sorted. .. You'll sort this . Maybe leave her for less time and slowly build it up. Is there anything that she really likes, that she finds really tasty . Try different things and see what she loves... Cheese, sausage, liver cake, peanut butter, then try the one that she values the most when you find something maybe just use it for when you're going our, mine soon learnt that when the kongs came out I was going out. I still do and if the kongs one out Wilf just goes and gets in his bed xx


Thanks for your reply... the kong was full of kibble, carrots, ham and kong filler she normally goes mad for it but in the crate she just is not bothered... very odd.

Thanks for your suggestions!


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## dio.ren (Jan 18, 2013)

Maybe gate her up in a room in your house instead like the kitchen or bathroom?? I know this works for some people that don't use crates. There are also puppy play pens that some people use. When I was doing the short periods of time with Molly I would only walk in when there was even a couple of seconds of quiet. Because she didn't see me leave the house she wouldn't cry very long. Her crate was in the spare bedroom so she would only see me leave the room not the actual house so maybe that helped. 

I'm sure you will figure something out but dont' tape her that is only going to make you feel worse. They are going to cry but why torture yourself watching it. Wish you luck!


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## Tinman (Apr 23, 2013)

As others have said - it will get better, we also work ( sometimes I work from home) and ours are left up to 3-4 hours on occasions.
I also put a treat in the crate before I leave them, they now actually know its happening (Ralph is almost 9 months, ruby almost 4 months) and they both sit in their crates waiting for the treat.
Ruby settles easier as she has Ralph next to her - but with Ralph, we had to do what your doing, build it up and leave him. I used to sneak in the house very quietly to see if he was crying - never any sound until he knew I was there - the. He would go mental!!
The only difference I did was I went straight to his crate as soon as I got in (still do for the 2 of them) and let them out and make a big fuss if them. 
He will get used to it s part of his routine - don't punish your self, he isn't co I g to any harm.


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## arlo (Mar 11, 2013)

polly1harg said:


> Hello thanks for your reply...
> 
> Would you suggest putting a pen on the crate too? We are in rented accommodation so we cannot give her free rome of the kitchen but we do have a pen we have not used. The only thing i was worried about is that she may wee in the pen area. We have not puppy pad trained her we are just crate training and positive reinforcement house training.
> 
> Also you said that the theory you suggested did not work for yours what did work?


We got Savannah before we fixed the problem with Arlo(Arlo would never be crated went beserk). I am lucky there is not much damage they could do in my kitchen so let them have free run apart from putting something infront of the doors so they can't scratch. I used to hide food around but like Daisy, Arlo wouldn't touch it until we came back, our main problem is there are only rare times no one is here, because we are caring for my mum, I really think the routine of it will help when you start work. What has made them accept it better is I actually say goodbye to them, I know this goes against all the rules, but if I just wandered out of the room they would think I was denying them being with me in the house and not shut up, as when I am in they are never apart from me. If you wanted to try the pen attached to the crate could you buy an off cut of lino from a carpet shop to put under pen to make any mistakes easier to clean up?
I am pretty useless with my suggestions but do know with how much you love daisy you will sort it out


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## Marzi (Sep 17, 2012)

Just to say, as others have, don't beat yourself up and she will learn in the end that she might as well settle down and sleep as nothing else is going to happen until you get back.
Mine have been left since they were pretty little for 3 to 4 hours regularly, It is easier when she can have a walk first. I get up early - we go out for a good walk (longer now than when they were babies) come home, after half an hour they have their breakfast. Then a trip around the garden and they stand watching mournfully as I charge around getting ready to leave. I used to chuck a handful of dry kibble around the kitchen for them to hoover up as I left - now I just yell 'see you later' as I leave. When I get back they both sleepily get up to greet me....
Puppies sleep a lot - it is good for them to sleep... she will get it, don't worry.


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## Sio (Mar 3, 2013)

I left Mungo from the beginning for 2 hours at a time on the advice of a dog behaviourist (she's his doggy daycare person when needs be). She said if you dont get thèm used to it as à puppy it becomes much more difficult later on. He's absolutely fine now (aged 6 mths) - no probs at all, and I was so glad to have had her advice - because I felt very much like you. She gave me the confidence to go ahead. I never used the crate. I tried confining him to one room and he didn't like that, and the crate was just worse. so I just made sure that downstairs was completely puppy proofed. And now He never makes a peep, and he's really, really fine. I can leave him for 4 hours and its no problem at all.


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## wilfiboy (Sep 18, 2010)

Mine didnt love the crate, neither of them chose to go in.... They went in when they were told it was bed time and when I had kongs, you'll get there honest, it just takes time x


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## Lexi&Beemer (May 5, 2013)

So Lexi is a whimperer and Beemer a barker when I leave the room but still in the house. They always have been and still are. But once I'm back they will go back to whatever they were doing, sometimes full on ignoring me over their treat. So I've learned to take it with a grain of salt. In reality I would rather spend all my time with them too but I realize that I need to shower on a regular basis too. 

I also set a routine where they were left alone everyday for two hours in the morning and two hours in the afternoon because I knew that two days of the week there would be a gap due to my work schedule and my dad's who was helping. I even left them on days that I knew I could be home so it would be part of their routine. I also woke up early so we would have two hours for wake up poo & pee, eat, then enough time for post eating poo & pee with playing or walking in between. After two hours they were wiped out and would sleep. I also covered the crate and played the same playlist whenever I put them in the crate and wanted them to sleep. Kind of fooled them into thinking it was sleep time. Plus there are lots of strange house sounds that go on and off and these guys would wake up and every change in the environment. So maybe background noise whenever you want them to sleep or be calm when you are not with her. 

At the end of the day only someone who loves her as much as you would be worried like this and that's what makes you a great mom to your Daisy.


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